Chapter 123
Of course, even as I said all that, I didn’t feel refreshed. I had already known that their revenge was irreplaceably important.
So, in actuality, this was such a silly question. For my sake, they could simply pay me lip service, but in the end those were only symbolic bows. Was there really anything other than the fulfillment of their revenge that could truly heal their scars?
That’s why that question wasn’t what I truly wanted to ask. What I really wanted to know was whether or not their favors, obsessions, and little pranks were all calculated. By my own admission, I had an easy-to-read personality; these days I had a growing suspicion that they were simply adjusting the rhythm of their life to placate me or were manipulating my feelings to make me more comfortable to handle.
Of course, I felt that I couldn’t ask them these questions, but… If they had treated me with a stiff distance, I may have been more comfortable. If all they sought was revenge, did they really need to get along with me?
I wasn’t asking for them to lock me away, as I had mentioned before. If they had dealt with me in coldly–a pure business relationship–then maybe I would not have uselessly raised my hopes. Without such presumptuous expectations from the beginning, there would be no need for sorrow or disappointment.
However, Seo Dawon, still facing me, said nothing; his slightly open mouth opened wider before immediately clapping shut–silent.
He looked as if he had a lot to say but would rather not talk because the words may come out too emotional. I was a bit flustered: it was the first time I saw Seo Dawon look as if he was suppressing his anger and frustration. I had thought he’d be cool-headed or say something smug to soothe me.
“Of course I’m worried about you.” Seo Dawon replied, a minute later, in a low voice.
But, his response was laden with sarcasm, as if he heard something so absurd and was sick and tired of it. That nuance was so blatant that I angrily shouted, “Well then, why don’t you explain anything to me every time? I….!”
“If you knew,” Seo Dawon cut me off, “What would change for the better? Why do you insist on knowing everything even if you won’t understand it…!”
His question was sharper and more aggressive than I had thought. I was dumbfounded and could only stare vacantly at him.
However, Seo Dawon did not stop there. He approached me with a fierce expression and roughly grabbed my shoulder. “Why is this contract so unstable? Of course that’s because the gap between you and I is too large–did you forget that? In the first place, this contract started with you begging and my allowances.”
“T-that’s true, but…” Flustered by the pressure on my shoulders, I tried to shake him off, but Seo Dawon didn’t back down. It was as if he had been expecting this situation.
Seo Dawon came closer to me, who was trying to escape, and whispered. Of course, only the volume of his voice decreased; I could still definitely feel the anger laden in his words, “So now, you’re doubting us? You think we can turn around and hurt you at any moment? Don’t you know how ridiculous of a misunderstanding that is?”
“…What?”
“How ‘great’ are you that we must plot to kill you? Just with a flick of my little finger like this…”
“Hnnrk…”
“It would be simple.”
Of course, he didn’t actually strangle me even though he said he could do it simply. However, as he stared down at my shrinking self, he muttered, “I’m going crazy…”
Seo Dawon threatened me, but when I was frightened, he was ironically angry. A bit red, like a cardinal–did he not realize what kind of expressions he was making right now?
“Choi Lee-kyung. Are you that scared of me?”
“J-just now you seemed as if you would hit me…”
“What the hell must I do to make you trust me?”
“……”
“I tried, in my own ways,” he added.
Of course, I had never felt that effort, so I just continued locking eyes with the Mage.
Seo Dawon opened his mouth with an angry expression, “Whenever I said anything, you would become jumpy and be hurt, so I changed my speech patterns.”
“……Huh?”
“What can I do when you open your eyes so wide and act as if you have no idea?” Seo Dawon asked, “So, this has nothing at all to do with my attitude, right?” Although he phrased it like a question, I couldn’t answer. His tone made me feel like he was talking to himself, and I kept my mouth shut.
“Haah….” Seo Dawon glanced me up and down before releasing a deep sigh. “You don’t see us as human beings,” he muttered in a tired tone, saying something so inconceivable.
“……What do you mean?”
“Why else do you think we’ll kill you, hurt you, or betray you? Do you view me as a demon–so afraid of us even as we’re enjoying our time together?”
“What are you saying!” That was the most absurd thing I’d ever heard. However Kim Olim and Jung Garam, who were also listening to our conversation, also looked the other way and did not refute the Mage’s words. They seemed to implicitly agree.
Feeling falsely accused, I hurried to deny the other’s words, “I’ve never once thought that before…”
“Really? Then why do you continue to be afraid of me despite how nice I’ve been to you?”
“No… It’s because it feels like you guys are always hiding things from me!”
“I guess you hold no secrets between friends then, huh? You leave everything open and leave nothing.” 1
Of course, there was nothing I could say in response. Of course I didn’t know every detail about my friends’ personal histories. That wasn’t what I meant…
However, weren’t matters between common friends incomparable to that of the servants’ ambiguous attitudes? Frustratingly, though, my mind felt disorganized and I couldn’t formulate my arguments.
Meanwhile, Seo Dawon continued, “It’s my first time signing with a Necromancer, so I decided I shouldn’t tell you everything before I know anything for sure. For example, why do we need your blood to sign a contract? Things like that…”
“…..”
“Furthermore, when I see you sometimes, I feel strangely hungry. That doesn’t mean you’re appetizing to me, but, if you knew I felt this urge–these impulses–you’d be wary of me.”
“What……? What’s that?”
“I also have no idea. But, it’s been a while since I’ve felt this urge. The higher you levelled, the worse it became.”
I was flustered by the new information and looked at Seo Dawon and the other servants alternatingly. What do you mean impulses of ‘hunger?’ So then, were those impulses the culprits behind those occasional strange behaviors? For example, their desire to sleep with me…
Then, I suddenly thought of Lackey, my first servant. Lackey always wished to be around me, and it was a rather jealous being.
However, I had never thought that such an attachment was strange because it resembled my previous pet, one that I had raised for quite some while. It was my first summon after becoming a User, so I had continued with a light heart. Lackey was ‘definitely’ like a small dog…
Don’t tell me, will all the servants I sign eventually become obsessed with me like Lackey?
I was devastated after my mind dredged up that idea–enough that I looked at Seo Dawon reflexively. He seemed to have noticed the moment I realized this possibility. He nodded, without smiling.
For them to follow Lackey’s example… For Seo Dawon to blindly love me, for Jung Garam to loyally follow my orders without questioning me, For Kim Olim to not refer to me bluntly as ‘Necromancer’ and instead openly praise me…
That would be such a bizarre sight. I didn’t want that. Sorrow at not knowing their inner feelings or hurt at feeling ostracized were emotions born of my affections for the servants.
Of course, Lackey was my precious and lovely Servant, but it would be terrible that all those that could possibly be called my ‘friend’ were turning into something like Lackey.
Seo Dawon, with a somewhat relaxed face, saw my crumpled expression and said, “My ultimate goal is not revenge. After revenge, I want to return to my previous, intact self.”
“……”
“So, I’m collecting resurrection methods. Not only for me, but for all my friends who died at the Tower of Command.”
“Well, uh, how should we do that…”
“First of all, we’ll have to achieve our revenge. And we’ll need to find a way to protect our increasingly fragile selves.”
“……”
“I’m glad. You have an appalled look on your face.” Seo Dawon smiled.
That smile was different from all others he’d made before. Was that why Seo Dawon, perceiving my thoughts, kept his distance?
Suddenly, I was conscious of a question bubbling from deep within the depths of my heart, ‘Then, after Seo Dawon returns to life, what…will happen to me?’
TL: Words have been said, feelings have been hurt. I know that we’ve been mostly following from Lee-kyung’s perspective, but Lee-kyung’s inherent reluctance to become intimate with others (and his justifiable fear of the servants) have been hurting Dawon, Garam, and Olim as well. Both groups are misunderstanding each other’s intentions.
But we also have Seo Dawon’s goal of coming back to life 😀
Next time– less stressful things. maybe.
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