When Lu Wancheng died of illness, Lin Qingyu didn’t cry; when Jiang Xing came back, he didn’t cry; when he said goodbye to Gu Fuzhou, he still didn’t cry. Now reunited after a long absence, with Jiang Xing’s soul in this dream, he cried.
Everything in the dream was so real, so real that Jiang Xing could still feel the beating heart in his chest. The empty and lonely palace, the scrolls on the table, the lingering fragrance of ink, and the flickering lamp lights. Lin Qingyu’s tears fell drop by drop, as if hitting his heart.
He had seen Lin Qingyu holding back tears with eyes rimmed red, but he has never seen him like this — not frowning, not sobbing, simply looking at him and crying silently.
Jiang Xing’s body was permeated with a deep ache. It was worse than dying of illness, worse than being wracked with poison, even worse than having a thousand arrows pierce his heart.
It hurt so much that he wanted to cry.
But he can’t. If he cried too, who would coax Lin Qingyu. He couldn’t cry in front of Lin Qingyu. That would be most uncool.
Jiang Xing smiled while holding back his tears. “What’s the matter, Baobei? We’ve finally seen each other, why are you crying? Do you not like my original appearance?”
Lin Qingyu looked at him silently. After a long time, he shook his head, his face cupped in Jiang Xing’s palms.
Wiping away Lin Qingyu’s tears with his smooth and slender fingertips, Jiang Xing said, “I’m very happy that I get to see you in my original form. I hope you can cheer up a bit too.”
For their last meeting, he didn’t want to make Lin Qingyu sad.
Lin Qingyu seemed to understand his intentions. Also seeming to try to convince himself, he said, sounding dazed, “You came back because I missed you?”
“That’s right. Don’t they say that what you think of in the morning, you dream of at night?” Jiang Xing said softly, “Since you miss me, naturally, you’ll dream about me.”
… But why is it not Gu Fuzhou who came, but you?
He had tried so hard to recall Jiang Xing’s appearance but he couldn’t remember at all The young man in front of him is so vivid — his figure was reflected in his pupils, the palm holding his cheek was warm; every detail was perfect and just right.
Lin Qingyu held back from asking that question. Seemingly as if so long as he didn’t ask or think about it, this was just an ordinary dream.
Lin Qingyu raised his hand and tremblingly touched the young man’s forehead. The young man took his hand and put it on his lips to kiss it.
Lin Qingyu said softly, “It seems you haven’t changed at all since three years ago.”
He had finally managed to coax Lin Qingyu back into a good mood. Or in other words, Lin Qingyu had managed to coax himself.
Jiang Xing’s throat moved slightly. “In dreams, people never grow up.” He smiled again, “Why? You used to complain I was too old. Now, you think I’m too young? Don’t forget, I’m only a year younger than you.”
Lin Qingyu smiled. The smile was broken but still bright and touching. “Sure enough, you really like your original form the most.”
“Of course. Lu Wancheng was too delicate and Gu Fuzhou is too strong and muscly. Neither of them are suitable for me.”
“I’ll remember.” Lin Qingyu locked his eyes firmly on him. “I’ll remember your initial appearance.”
Jiang Xing said, “No need. It’s fine if you forget.”
“It’s not fine. It’s not fine at all!” Lin Qingyu, who had just finally calmed down, suddenly became extremely flustered. “I want to remember. I don’t want to forget. Don’t let me forget…”
Seeing Lin Qingyu so helpless, Jiang Xing quickly hugged him into his arms and coaxed him, “You won’t forget it. My Baobei has a photographic memory. You’re amazing.”
“But last time, last time I forgot.” Lin Qingyu pressed his cheek against the young man’s chest, desperately restraining his turbulent emotions. Jiang Xing hoped he could cheer up a bit, that he wouldn’t cry anymore.
Jiang Xing had no choice but to lie to him. “That’s because I didn’t stay long enough last time. This time I’ll stay for a long while.”
Lin Qingyu grabbed Jiang Xing’s shirt, the fabric felt softer than any he had ever felt before. The young man’s breath was clean and refreshing and it completely enveloped him.
No matter whose body Jiang Xing used, he wouldn’t care. So long as it was Jiang Xing inside, he was sure his interest would be aroused and he would grow to like him. But he also couldn’t deny that in this world, only Jiang Xing’s own appearance could take his breath away with a single glance.
Young Master Jiang returned back to his own body was the complete Jiang Xing.
Lin Qingyu asked, “A long while… How long is that?”
Jiang Xing went silent for a while before saying, “We still have at least one more night. Enough to make up for that date we didn’t finish last time.”
That date last time…?
Lin Qingyu felt a twinge of pain in his heart. “An entire day, twenty-four hours. One hour less and that doesn’t count as a day.”
Jiang Xing smiled and said, “So you still remember.”
He remembered. Of course he remembered. On that day, he hadn’t completed his date with Jiang Xing. He thought there would be many more opportunities in the future. He thought they still had a lot of time…He really had thought so.
“We’ll wait until you come back,” Lin Qingyu insisted on deceiving himself. “When you come back from the Northwest, I won’t care about anything else. I’ll lock you up and constantly keep you under my watch. I won’t let you go anywhere. Every hour or every day, you can only spend with me.”
Jiang Xing turned his head and closed his eyes. When looked once again at Lin Qingyu, he smiled. “Alright. But Baobei, let’s think about this first. What would you like to do tonight?”
Lin Qingyu buried his face against his chest and did not respond.
Jiang Xing stopped asking. To be able to embrace each other quietly for this entire night was nice as well.
After an unknown amount of time, Lin Qingyu pushed him away. He pointed to a spot on his clothes and asked, “What is this?”
“Hmm…?” Jiang Xing looked down at his chest, “This is the school badge. I’m wearing a school uniform.”
“This school uniform, how do you take it off?”
Jiang Xing was taken aback. “Qingyu…?”
Lin Qingyu said firmly, “I want to, to invite you again.”
Jiang Xing’s heart trembled so much that he couldn’t speak.
“Don’t reject me again.” Lin Qingyu’s voice trembled slightly, “Jiang Xing.”
The next moment, Lin Qingyu’s vision flickered. The thinly dressed boy carried him off his feet and headed towards the bed with long strides.
When Lin Qingyu was laid down on the bed, he remembered that there wasn’t any bed in Qinzheng Hall. Jiang Xing explained, “This is a dream, baby. You can have whatever you want in your dream.”
Lin Qingyu couldn’t care less about this. He moved in closer and kissed the corner of Jiang Xing’s mouth.
This kiss seemed to turn on some certain switch in the young man’s body. He sank deep into the bed, their lips pressed against each other’s, their tongues intertwined. His hairpin was pulled away, letting his long hair spread across the pillow.
If Jiang Xing were still Gu Fuzhou, their long strands of black hair would be entangled at this time. But Jiang Xing right now had short hair. When he bowed his head to kiss him, his bangs slightly obscured his eyes.
Jiang Xing’s tongue was not in any way small.
Lin Qingyu was wearing his official uniform, layer after layer of heavy cloth. He raised his hand and caressed the young man’s short hair, his long sleeves slipping off and revealing two slender alabaster arms.
In a dream, he wouldn’t feel cold.
His uniform was taken off but Lin Qingyu could do nothing about Jiang Xing’s clothes. Jiang Xing taught him how to take it off bit by bit. Finally, he asked him, “Isn’t it very convenient? Much more convenient than the Dayu’s clothes.”
Lin Qingyu nodded slightly and asked, “You…will you?”
Jiang Xing smiled. “Guess.”
With a dream, the dim light of night, candles casting shadows bright, gray, rosy.
A hand clutched helplessly at the gauzy curtain hanging around the bed. Suddenly, the hand exerted great force as though unable to hold on. Knuckles turned white and the gauze curtain was torn off. The jade beads scattered across the floor, the pattering sound echoing in the empty hall.
Lin Qingyu closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling from his eyes.
Maybe it was because of the pain or maybe it was something else.
“Don’t cry, Baobei.” Jiang Xing said, voice low. “If you keep crying, you’ll make me doubt my skills and then I’ll wither.”
“Liar. It’s obviously… obviously so energetic.”
Jiang Xing smiled, “I can’t hide anything from you.”
Lin Qingyu wanted to open his eyes, but a hand suddenly blocked his sight. “Don’t look at me,” Jiang Xing said, sounding breathy, “I’ll be embarrassed.”
Lin Qingyu was almost out of breath. He tried his best to curve his lips and said, “I can feel you in my body.”
Jiang Xing choked for breath and didn’t speak any more. He just grabbed Lin Qingyu’s hands and let them wrap around his shoulders.
In the dream, their bodies knew not that they were guests and every cry coveted joy.
And after this endless tenderness, all that is left will be the collapse of the dream. What else could be left to remain?
After calming down, Jiang Xing lay on his shoulder and the first thing he said was, “I’m sorry.”
Lin Qingyu felt the wetness on his shoulders. After such happiness, a hint of confusion appeared in his eyes.
Was Jiang Xing… crying?
This man wouldn’t let him cry but he was crying himself.
“Qingyu, I’m sorry.” Jiang Xing hugged him, like a child who did his best but still couldn’t do anything well. He felt so wronged that he didn’t know what to do. “I’m sorry…”
Lin Qingyu asked him, “Why are you crying?”
Why are you cry so desperately after we’ve done this most intimate thing?
He wanted to push the young man to create distance between them to let him see how the young man was crying. But he was too tired, he couldn’t move. He could only feel the young man’s tears flowing out unceasingly, wetting his long hair.
After Jiang Xing had cried enough, he got up from him. Apart from the reddened eyes, there was nothing unusual about his expression. He asked Lin Qingyu worriedly, “Am I still handsome?”
Lin Qingyu smiled. “Yes.”
Jiang Xing smiled and hugged him from behind. “Do you want to sleep for a while?”
Lin Qingyu said immediately, “No.”
Jiang Xing was by his side, whispering sweet words of love softly in his ear. Until a ray of light appeared in the sky and Jiang Xing looked out the window. “It seems that time is almost up.”
Lin Qingyu’s body suddeny froze.
Jiang Xing sighed softly, “This night passed so quickly.”
Lin Qingyu realized something and he once again tried to deliberately ignore reality, torturing himself cruelly. “Don’t.” He hugged the boy tightly and expending every last bit of his strength, “Jiang Xing, don’t…don’t leave me alone…”
Jiang Xing stroked his hair. “Qingyu, this is just a dream.”
“No… no.” Lin Qingyu’s eyes were opened wide, starting to fill with unshed tears. His quiet mask was torn off, revealing an uncontrollable madness, “You’re lying to me again. Jiang Xing, how many more times are you going to lie to me?”
The young man’s silhouette gradually begun to blur. “This is the last time, Qingyu.”
The last……? Is this the end? No, he wants to stay here, stay here with Jiang Xing.
Jiang Xing promised him.
He promised him!
…Jiang Xing!
Lin Qingyu woke up from the dream. It was dawn and there was no one else in Qinzheng Hall except him.
He sat alone in front of the desk, piles of scrolls on its surface. The candle beside him had already been burned out.
Lin Qingyu sat quietly with a blank look on his face. He remembered every word Jiang Xing said, every movement Jiang Xing made. But he couldn’t remember Jiang Xing’s face.
Lin Qingyu slowly closed his eyes, a tear falling on the last letter sent from the Northwest.
At the same moment, in Xingqing Palace not far from Qinzheng Hall, Xiao Li who was sleeping soundly suddenly opened his eyes without any warning.
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