Chapter 168
Proofreader: somnium
Artizea looked at Cedric with a shocked face. And without realizing it, her body trembled like a tree, and she took a step backwards.
“H, ho, how…… ?”
Artizea stuttered.
She didn’t think of it.
She already knew that there were ‘returners’. Cadriol was one of the returners, and there was also the one who returned to Karam.
So she thought there might be more that returned.
She looked closely at the state, worried that the memories might return to someone in an important position in imperial politics.
But she didn’t think it would be Cedric. She didn’t even imagine it.
Wouldn’t that be so? If Cedric had all those memories, he couldn’t have had Artizea as his wife.
There was no way he could love her. For a moment, just having such a realization gave her goosebumps and made her want to cut her heart.
Even more so, he could not tolerate the birth of Evron’s successor in her own body.
“Even if you ask me how, I don’t know. That doesn’t matter now. I know you, Tia.”
Artizea stumbled. Her eyes widened as if struck by lightning.
It was because she had understood all the meaning of Cedric’s word ‘know’.
Cedric wiped his face with both palms. Even that didn’t calm his mind, so he wiped his face dry a few more times.
From the day he first met Artizea, he had a foreboding.
He dreamed of Artizea, and felt emotions that would never happen with a stranger
It seems that the memories did not pour out all at once, but came to fall piece by piece from somewhere.
He felt compassion first, then respect, then protection, and then love.
He also felt the lust for destruction, regret, and stubborn obsession that he did not know where it was coming from.
And as he stands here and looks back now, all those emotions did not arise in the past year, but rather were dug out one by one as if it had been buried.
“As much as you know me, I know you.”
Artizea stepped back from him and bumped into the window.
“What a horrible human being you were, what happened to Evron, how many people I treasured died.”
Cedric said as if vomiting blood rather than vomiting words.
“And how long you have been watching me.”
“Lord, Ced…….”
“While you were watching me, do you really think I didn’t know that?”
He thought he had a lot of preparation. He had thought many times, turned around, tried to speak softly and carefully.
On some quiet evening, he wanted to speak calmly, sitting between a thick tea made with milk and sugar.
He wanted to tell her not to cling to the past, since he can only go to the future by going beyond the past.
He wanted to tell her that he knew that she wants to do the best she can for the future, and that he knows she’s struggling.
He couldn’t say it because she was pregnant. He was afraid that Artizea would not be able to withstand the shock.
But he realized that it was only an excuse. He actually wasn’t ready for it himself.
What kind of preparation was necessary to complete this conversation?
“That, that can’t be…….”
Artizea stuttered. But she didn’t even get the question right.
She was terrified.
She thought he must have been mistaken. She should’ve been able to deceive Cedric until the end.
She hoped he didn’t know. Then, she would be able to stay like this.
Rejoicing, ecstatic, always afraid of being loved, thinking that she shouldn’t accept it fully, in the end, she covets what she shouldn’t have dared covet on the excuse of ignorance.
But if he remembers.
Then.
She doesn’t know though. Her thoughts did not follow after that. It had been her own worth and strength to be able to think, but she couldn’t think of anything.
She was just out of breath. Her heart was aching and it was painful.
Artizea turned away from Cedric. She then suddenly realized that she had the diamond bracelet hanging from her wrist.
She tried to take it off. But her hands were trembling, and she could hardly get the lock off.
Cedric grabbed her wrist.
“What are you doing?”
“You said you remembered it.”
“Tia.”
“The contract we originally proposed was for two years, but now it is enough. The inheritance issue is over, you just have to sort out the baby problem, and it’s not too late, so you don’t have to regret it.”
Artizea spoke quickly. She wasn’t sure if she was speaking correctly or what words she was uttering.
The lock on the bracelet did not come off no matter what. She was going crazy.
Cedric grabbed her arm and turned it towards him.
“Are you not listening to me or are you pretending not to?”
“Lord Cedric.”
“I love you. How many times do I have to tell you for you to understand?”
Cedric was very patient. He knew that himself well.
Cedric could endure the pain several times more than others. He wasn’t optimistic, but he knew how to think positively.
He could endure despair. He held a small hope and he had lived with it for nearly twenty years.
But there were moments when he couldn’t stand it either. And it was always made by Artizea.
In any sense.
“I was trying to hide these feelings forever. I felt your gaze, I knew you, I had compassion for you, I loved you, but I could not forgive you.”
This kind of thing, this kind of heart couldn’t be tolerated. Those who died at her hands, those who died by her work, could not have allowed him to do it.
“Nevertheless, I love you. Even if I tried to cover it up, the feelings didn’t go away!”
“It can’t be true!”
Artizea shouted face to face. Cedric roared.
“Don’t judge my heart by what you think!”
Artizea once said that people are betrayed by unexpected things.
What she said was seldomly wrong. It really was.
Cedric betrayed Evron. If this heart is not betrayal, then what is it?
Still, he was determined to love her.
The grudge did not go away, but now it remained only in Cedric’s own memory. So, why can’t he just endure it himself?
If his memory had come first, he would not have dared to extend his hand.
But love came first.
They danced, got married and embraced each other.
It, too, could not have disappeared as much as he wanted.
Even after remembering everything, he nevertheless couldn’t let go of everything.
“I love you! And we are already married and have a child! All the pain you caused me and the resentment that had been accumulating in Evron have all been lost!”
“But that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen!”
Artizea half screamed.
“Now you know what kind of person I am! It doesn’t mean that I would’ve lived differently this time!”
“Don’t get me wrong! I chose you! You did not choose me!”
Artizea grabbed her chest and took one more step back. Cedric grabbed her arm as she was about to run and hugged her.
Their lips met. A painful moan from Artizea’s throat was sucked into Cedric’s mouth.
Soon after, Artizea’s limbs lost her strength and she drooped. Cedric supported her, hugged her, and locked her in his arms.
Then he looked into her eyes, clutching her chin and cheek.
“Did you forget? I asked you for a plan.”
“Lord, Ced…….”
“I am responsible for all of you living, being here, marrying me, and doing all these things, and I started it. You are not deceiving me.”
Artizea now wanted to stop looking at him. But Cedric’s eyes did not allow it.
Artizea remembered those eyes. So her eyes were clouded by tears.
It was an unforgettable look.
It was the eyes when Cedric knelt down and bowed to her, at a time when she lacked a tongue, so Lysia’s will only rolled in her mouth.
Like a statue, standing tall in the square, hit by the rain and wind, had a face that burned red as if it had received the dawn of the sun.
Beyond all the hatred and resentment, there was the man who knelt on his knees and asked for a plan because he knew her and trusted in her abilities.
“At that time, if you had survived and told me the truth, would I not have accepted it and held you accountable? And yet, would I have thought of you as an enemy rather than my counselor?”
Artizea shook her body. She had a definite answer to that question.
He probably accepted her as a true member of Evron.
If at that time she had the power to turn things around, she would have been willing to become Cedric’s counselor.
And she would have been able to spend the rest of her life as a servant serving a lord worthy of serving.
She thought about it when she returned and realized that she loved Cedric.
If she had been able to do that back then, she would have been able to do her job without any agony or pain unlike now. That’s right.
Tears welled up in Artizea’s blue eyes.
Cedric didn’t wipe her tears this time. He didn’t even comfort her.
He said in a hoarse voice instead.
“At that time, I already made up my mind to take responsibility for what you would do.”
It didn’t matter what she was like. That’s how much he needed her.
At that time, Cedric was worried. Isn’t this the hunch? But he no longer had anyone to turn to for advice.
Since the important person died first, there was no one to devote his allegiance to, and there was no one to confide in with key information and talk about a hopeless future.
He had no one to depend on.
There was no love, no hatred, no resentment.
“And you did what I asked you to do. So everything that happened after that was my responsibility and I have to bear it.”
Cedric said softly.
“Just because you go back in time, that doesn’t change that fact. As you say, it will never happen to us.”
Artizea covered her mouth with her hand.
Cedric grabbed her hand and pulled it away. And pressed his lips to the back of her hand, and also her wrist.
The diamond bracelet hung on his lips.
Cedric said in a tired voice.
“Please don’t make me lonely anymore. I don’t have strength to stand it either.”
The only people whom they could really share this work with would be each other.
“Ah…….”
That was then.
Something popped in Artizea’s stomach.
She thought it was just once, she felt a small reverberation, one after another.
Artizea was bewildered and she did not know what to do. The constant sound within her body, it felt like the baby was trying to make its presence known.
Cedric looked at her, not knowing why she was doing it.
“The, ba, baby…….”
Artizea stuttered and said.
That in itself was not something that had to be said now. But, confused, Artizea reflexively said so.
She had never told Cedric about the movement.
Cedric reflexively reached out his hand and placed it on Artizea’s belly.
A faint vibration was felt in the palm of his hand through the thin hem of her robe. It felt like a pulse to Cedric.
It was truly an amazing and mysterious experience.
“This is the movement.”
Cedric took a long breath.
He felt the swampy loneliness that had been stagnating inside him seep away.
He hugged Artizea with both arms. And exhausted, he leaned back on the chair.
Artizea, who sat on his lap, leaned helplessly against his chest.
And she stayed there without saying a word.
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