Chapter 81: Chapter 81
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Yoo Chun Young was the least talkative among us, and he seldom asked me such things. We would especially rarely see him asking things consecutively. I gathered my senses and shook my head with a smile.
“Actually, I’m not feeling well. I feel like I’m about to throw up if I eat something.”
“Okay. Let me ask Eun Hyung to make some soup later.”
Chun Young then pushed me to the bed smoothly as if he was urging me to get some more sleep. I looked at him with a silly smile.
“No, you don’t have to. My parents will be back… oh!” I stopped my response when something flashed in my mind. Not only did I forget to buy the coffee beans, but we also had a big fight yesterday.
While I went into my shell, Yoo Chun Young showed a concerned look again. He then put his hand on my forehead. When I lifted my head in surprise after feeling his cold fingers touching my forehead, my eyes met his blue eyes.
“Not feeling good? Should I get you some pills?” He asked.
“Oh, there’s no need for that.”
“Want to go to the hospital?”
“No, it’s just… I fought with my parents yesterday.”
“Oh.” He answered shortly and fell into silence.
From what I had seen so far, this might have embarrassed him because of how much he had overreacted. His blushed face looked cute and funny which made me laugh, but I could hardly do that.
After a moment, I lifted my hands to rub my dry face. Yoo Chun Young stared at me in wonder. Geez, I took off my hands and said with a sad expression.
“Oh, lord… how could I make up with them?”
“It was probably a big deal for them.”
“Yes, it was. It had been three months since we last fought like that.”
“Oh, you mean this is the first time you guys fought after the senior finals in middle school.”
When Yoo Chun Young responded as if he had understood it at once, I rubbed my face again in embarrassment. Yes, they already knew what happened. It was that the fight took place when I received my report card.
God, damn it! I heaved a sigh after scratching my head for a while.
I murmured, “Geez, how can I make up with them? I don’t feel like saying sorry. I hate to talk to them, see them, and just everything about them.”
My hate was nothing serious, but I was still implying the fact that I wasn’t ready to see them yet. To be honest, this entire fight made me upset. I told them every day not to compare with Yeo Ryung, but as we got more intense through the fight, I found out that them comparing me to her was inevitable.
In the end, I yelled out to my mom to tell her that she should have Ban Yeo Ryung as her daughter instead then. My mom responded that she should have done that. Thus, although we knew that we didn’t intend what we said, our remarks still got both of us hurt.
I rubbed my face for quite a while then I directed my eyes on Yoo Chun Young. He looked confused; he didn’t seem to know what to say.
Yoo Chun Young might have thought he should say at this moment. He must be thinking of, at least, something to comfort me; however, looking at his concerned look had already cheered me up.
I held his hand and slightly shook it. He then had his gaze at me.
“Hey, you don’t have to be that serious. It’s hard for other people to intervene with another family’s issues.”
“Yeah.” Yoo Chun Young replied with a bitter smile.
I grinned and said while glancing at the burning sunset, “I’m still immature.”
“Why?”
“I mean, I read it from a book,” I said back while rubbing my blushed cheeks. It was a phrase from a self-improvement book I recently read.
“It said that everything that happens to me is my fault because if I try to find the cause of my problem from outside, I won’t be able to change anything. So finding the cause of the problem within me and trying to change it is a way for me to progress. It was something like that. It seems quite right.”
“…”
“I actually didn’t do my best in the exam. My mom was harsh because she believed I could do better. So it’s not that wrong, right?”
If I did my best, it would truly be tragic. I rubbed my cheek with that thought in mind.
As I raised my head to see Yoo Chun Young, I saw him looking at me in silence too. Was he repeating my words in his head? I wondered. That was when he pouted his lips.
“Sometimes you are…”
“I am…?”
“Pushing yourself too hard.” Yoo Chun Young said as he stretched out his hand to pat my head. His hand and his touch felt more tender than usual; it made me feel a little awkward. He continued placing his hand on me.
“What I heard was different.”
“What was it?”
“I think it was…”
He started to wonder with his eyes closed. The burning sunset laid on the tip of his black lashes and tinted them with an orange hue. He then opened his mouth. His heavy voice enveloped my surroundings.
“When we were children, we used to think that when we grew up, we would no longer be vulnerable… But to grow up is to accept vulnerability…”
I just listened to his voice quietly. He then opened his eyes and continued to speak in the usual serene expression he had.
“To be alive is to be vulnerable… that’s what I remembered on a book I read.”
“…”
I just blinked in silence while staring at Yoo Chun Young’s blue eyes.
I mean, it was surprising for Yoo Chun Young, who seldom liked books, remembered a quote like that. The quote itself just wanted the readers to ponder on the vulnerability of life instead of carrying a strong will to live or a powerful meaning.
He scrunched up his brows at me for a second. I knew that it was a gesture he made when he was contemplating something.
The one who spoke ahead was me.
“So, you’re saying… being alive is to be vulnerable, so we don’t have to push ourselves too hard?”
“Well, I’d say…” He, again, grimaced then kept on his words while looking at me.
“Everyone is vulnerable. In fact, people would not be as strong as you expect to be, so… there’s no need to feel so hard on yourself, I guess.”
He then glanced at his side as if what he said had perplexed him.
He continued, “You should learn to relax.”
He spoke his last words along with a sigh making it almost sound like a whisper. My eyes opened wide in wonder. I then heard an exchange of conversations from the living room as if someone turned on the TV.
Yoo Chun Young swept his hair and spoke in his usual tone.
“In my opinion, I don’t think people who are strict with themselves could be generous to others.”
“Why?”
“The world burdens those who are smart, competent, and good. I don’t think these burdened people can be generous to others because others are dumb and horrible, unlike them; they’re just fooling us.”
“That makes sense.”
“So, I hope you don’t expect others to be stronger than you. You should think that they’re just as vulnerable and immature as you, so you could understand them better.”
I raised my head. Yoo Chun Young seemed hesitant for a bit before he leaned on the desk to continue.
“I think the reason your parents are being so angry about your grades is that… maybe because you’re their only child.”
“Being an only child?”
“Yeah, and you’re also their first child. Maybe they’re confused where to set their standard.”
“Oh.” I quietly groaned. Yes, that was the reason why they always compare me with Yeo Ryung.
Yoo Chun Young carefully observed my face, but he frowned since I didn’t make enough response.
“I mean, just because they’re older than you, it doesn’t mean that they know everything. It’s their first time raising a child, so they could be clumsy and anxious, which is probably why they’re comparing you to others and being harsh on you. At least, that’s what I think.”
“…”
“Once you realize that others are as vulnerable as you are, an understanding might arise between the two parties.”
When Yoo Chun Young finished his words, he stood still with his mouth closed for a while.
In the living room, there was still the sound of the audience’s laughter, whereas, Yoo Chun Young and I were looking at each other in the dark. I was staring behind him and he was gazing at my pillow.
We were slightly out of each other’s sight like that for a while. It was I who lifted my eyes first.
I said, “Yeah, you’re right…”
“…”
“You are so unusually talkative today, but I guess you’re right.”
After that response, I didn’t know what to say further, so I just shut my mouth. I was at a loss of words as I felt my thoughts about my parents and my appreciation to Yoo Chun Young cluttering my mind.
That was when Yoo Chun Young opened his lips again.
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