Ever since I could remember, I had a little shadow. She’s called Bei Zhi. She’s my baby sister.
She always looks very timid and shy. Only when mum and dad weren’t around did she dare to call me big brother in that angelic voice of hers.
Back then, I didn’t know why everyone disliked her. After all, she was clearly so cute. I didn’t understand why mum and dad didn’t like it when I played with her.
So that I wouldn’t make mum and dad upset, I could only look for her in secret to give her treats. Every time I saw her sweet smile, I felt like nothing in this world could outshine it.
I watched as she grew up from a little toddler to a little girl.
Her daily routine was very boring. Go to school, end school, return home. When she was at home, she’d spend most of her time shut in her room. Even meals were sent to her room.
Later, when mum and dad became busier, I didn’t have to worry about upsetting them anymore and often went to her room to accompany her during mealtimes.
But once, mum walked in. She flew into a temper and locked Bei Zhi up.
Since then, Bei Zhi seemed a bit afraid to talk to me.
Only after I had tried many methods did I get her to slowly accept me again. I was careful this time; I made sure mum and dad wouldn’t come back before looking for her.
When I was 13, I overheard mum and dad talking. They wanted to send her away, because she wasn’t their child.
I was afraid. Afraid they’d send her away. Then I wouldn’t be able to see her again.
I knew the reason mum and dad wanted to get rid of her was because of me. Because I was too concerned about her.
That night, I pondered a lot. And came with the conclusion that I liked her. Not in the way an older brother was meant to like his younger sister.
But before I could sort out my complicated feelings, Bei Zhi left. She wasn’t sent away by mum and dad; she asked to leave on her own.
Since then, I didn’t get to see her very often. Every time I looked for her, she’d either hide from me or respond very perfunctorily.
I felt upset. I didn’t know why this was, but I didn’t dare to say anything. I could only comply with her intentions.
I knew she avoided me every time she returned, so I always hid myself.
I knew she didn’t like mum and dad, so after they had met every time she returned, I’d always find ways and means to get mum and dad to leave.
I knew...
Until she transferred to Alice Academy.
When I learned of this, I was ecstatic. At that point in time, I had already understood many things. For example, why mum and dad didn’t like her. For example, why my intimacy with her would only make them dislike her more.
At that time, I could only suppress the joy in my heart.
I still remember the day she returned to our home.
She stood quietly beneath the vines as a faint breeze played with her inky-black hair. The hanging vines were like a backdrop that made her seem to belong to a beautiful painting.
She looked exactly the same as the young woman in my memories, perfect.
I wanted to go over and talk to her. But I knew I couldn’t do that. It’d scare her off. It’d make mum and dad send her away again.
I wasn’t strong enough yet. Wasn’t strong enough to protect her. So I couldn’t appear close to her.
I thought I’d have plenty of time to grow strong enough to protect her.
A pity I was wrong.
Someone else appeared by her side. His name was Fu Qin.
I didn’t know Fu Qin all that well. I only knew that he was the sole successor to the Fu Family and had a strange temper.
Seeing her with Fu Qin, my heart felt like it was being sliced apart by knives, but I could only silently watch them.
Watched as she walked towards someone else.
There were times when I bitterly wondered, ‘Why did I have to be the son of the Bei Family?’
Had I not been, I wouldn’t have had to care about so many things. All I would’ve needed to do was stand by her side and tell her, “I like you.”
But, I couldn’t even do that.
On that day on Mt. Shaoyang, the reason I was trapped in the mountains was because I was worried about her. I ignored Ji Xiaoyu’s attempts to dissuade me and stubbornly tried to make my way off the mountain.
But because the road was slippery and it was dark, I ended up injuring myself.
In the hospital, I learned she and Fu Qin were staying on the floor just above mine. I also learned from Ji Xiaoyu that she was the one who rescued Fu Qin.
I’ll admit, I was jealous then. They had only known each other for a few days, yet she was able to risk her life to save his?
But she left the country not long after that.
The period of time when she was out of the country was the darkest period of my life.
Bei Enterprises was grievously wounded, facing enemies on all sides.
At that time, there was a girl who stood by my side against all odds.
I remembered her, because she had once appeared by that person’s side.
This girl was called Lin Yin.
But I didn’t need her, so I tried to scare her away by making life difficult for her. Yet she persisted in staying. No matter what I did, she’d simply take it in silence.
She was by my side when I was at my lowest. She was with me when I experienced the cruelties of the human heart. She ate the worst meals I had ever tasted, just to be by my side. She even took a beating together with me...
She participated in the most difficult period of my life. When I learned she threatened the Lin Family with suicide to help me, the heartache I felt for her far exceeded my shock.
I think that was when I decided to let go of the past.
The girl that I needed to protect had appeared.
I swore an oath to the Lin Family that I would give Lin Yin a splendorous wedding in five years time.
They provided me with capital, the capital I needed to rise again.
And all of this, was because of her. Lin Yin.
I hadn’t expected to see that person again three years later. I had thought we’d never meet again in this life.
She hadn’t changed at all in these three years. Standing next to Fu Qin, she looked... right.
I felt freed then.
Since she was doing alright, what was there for me to be worried about?
One heart could not hold two people.
The person I loved now was Lin Yin, the girl who had given me the chance to live again. So, I could only seal up that period of youthful infatuation, one that would never see the light of day until, perhaps, the day of my death.
Once upon a time, I liked Bei Zhi.
But on the night of our wedding, Lin Yin told me that the reason why she was able to come to my aid without hesitation was because that person had told her, “Go do whatever you want to. Even if you lose it all, I can help you get back to the start.”
Lin Yin told me, “I believed her. So, I was able to place all my bets on you.”
I... didn’t know what to say. It turned out that everything I owned now, was given by her.
Without her words, Lin Yin would’ve given up on me due to pressure from her family.
Without her words, Lin Yin wouldn’t have threatened them with suicide if they didn’t help me.
Without her words, I wouldn’t have been able to marry Lin Yin; I wouldn’t have been able to have a wife who loves me far more than I love her.
All news of that person, I learned from Lin Yin. Lin Yin seemed to like her a lot; every time she mentioned that person, she’d always be more excited than even when she sees me!
Every time, I’m at a loss as to laugh or cry.
I really doubt that the young woman who swore she liked me was her. No matter how I look at it, it seems like the real reason she married me was for the sake of getting closer to her.
I’ll be honest, I was jealous. Even though the two of you haven’t met in years, your relationship was just the same as before.
Bei Zhi,
Thank you. Thank you for leaving behind such a heavy mark in my world.
The thing I regret the most, was not having the courage to court you while I still liked you.
-Bei Ze
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