After the long-winded introductions by the host, Han Fei as the main character finally walked out from behind the screen. The spotlight hit him and for the first time, the man was glowing. As an actor, he walked to the centre of the stage, this was something he had dreamed of all his life. Listening to his heartbeat, his fingers clenched. It was not out of nervousness, the man simply couldn’t help but be reminded of his past self, the self who would spend hours practicing smiling before the mirror.
“And we have with us the male main actor from Twin Flowers, Han Fei! He has helped the police solve the case in real life and he will be playing the two main characters in the movie! We will now have him start the Q and A sessions with questions from our online viewers.” The host suddenly walked off the stage and took out his phone to message someone. Director Jiang ran over to grab the host by his collar. “This wasn’t part of the rehearsal! There weren’t supposed to be questions from the online viewers! You’re supposed to ask the selected questions from your cue cards!”
“I’m just following my instructions on the monitor. If you have a problem with it, go and take it up with the conference manager.” The host slapped Director Jiang’s arms off impolitely.
“What’s wrong?” Sister Long rushed over as well. She came in person because she valued this event greatly.
“Han Fei is a professional actor but he has no experience presenting himself before the public. This is the first time where he is the centre of attention. And now he has to answer unrehearsed questions from the online viewers? I’m afraid that will break him.” Director Jiang fidgeted.
“With his professionalism, I’m sure he’ll be fine. Eventually he’ll have to go through this rite of passage. I’m sure he can handle a few impromptu questions just fine.” Sister Long sighed. “You made me worried for a moment there.”
“Sister Long, you don’t understand!” Director Jiang hesitated as he looked at Han Fei with concern. “Han Fei suffers from serious social anxiety, he has to go to constant psychiatric counselling. In fact, I had to make sure my proposal for him to be our main actor was cleared by his psychiatrist first before I could actually offer him the role.”
“The man has serious social anxiety?” Sister Long was shocked. “And you’re only telling me this now?!”
“If I told you earlier… would you still let him be the main character?” Director Jiang wiped away his sweat as he stared at Han Fei under the spotlight. “Initially, I only offered him a side role so that he would have something to do but he’s a genius, and his genius should be seen by everyone!”
After the host left, Han Fei was stranded alone on stage. The large monitor above the hall relayed the livestream image. There was a large screen behind Han Fei as well so that the live audience could also tune into the livestream.
‘This is different from the rehearsal.’ The script Han Fei prepared in mind was rendered useless. He lifted his head to look at the monitor at the roof of the hall. After he appeared on stage, the viewership grew from 150000 to 300000, that was highly unusual.
Suddenly, a negative comment popped on screen. “He’s just lucky. Don’t tell me you people really think he can carry a movie?!” Following that one comment, many other horrible comments floated up to the surface. It was as if these users had planned this beforehand. Instead of Q and A, the whole screen was filled with criticism and slander against Han Fei!
“He’s so ugly, he better requests for a refund from his plastic surgeon.”
“Using victims’ lives to garner popularity, disgusting!”
“An actor who refuses to focus on his job but goes about being a vigilante? Do you really think you’re the police?!”
“This man is a horrible person. I worked with him at his former agency! You people know he was fired, right? It was because he stole from our company! Do not be fooled by him!”
“What the fuck! Go and google this man! He is a certified mental patient! Nowadays even a basket case can be an actor?”
The horrible comments filled up the screen. The projector casted the livestream right on the screen behind Han Fei. The hall was not big but it was filled with people. All the live audience saw the criticism that practically surrounded Han Fei in a halo.
The comments kept on coming. The keyboard warriors attacked this man while standing on moral high ground. Han Fei’s history was dug up and exposed. He stood under the spotlight but it felt like he was naked. There was nothing about him that was a secret anymore. Every abnormal, strange, negative behavior he had done was revealed on the screen. This Q and A session was turned into a public censure on Han Fei. Anyone would find this situation hard to bear, much less someone who had serious social anxiety.
Han Fei stared quietly at the monitor above the hall. Just as the audience below the stage began to feel sorry for the man, he suddenly smiled. Ignoring the comments from the livestream, Han Fei picked up the microphone and glanced at the people in the crowd. He did not lose his composure. He saw Li Xue, Wei Youfu’s father and many other friendly faces.
“My dream is to become a comedy actor, do you guys know why?” Han Fei glanced casually at the horrible comments behind him. “I lost both of my parents when I was young. People always bullied and mocked me. Am I mad? Am I saddened? Do I want to take revenge on them? Yes, of course I do. And I figured the best way to do that was to make a job out of letting people laugh at me, at least that way, they’ll have to pay to bully me. But unfortunately, it appears like I do not have the talent to be a comedy actor.” Han Fei pointed at the wave of negative comments behind him. “They think they can bring me down with these mocking remarks but these people did not realize that in the past, I could barely get a reaction out of them, so this is already a step up.” Han Fei chuckled self-deprecatingly. “From the way I dress, you should understand that I am not like other celebrities. I do not radiate star power, there is nothing special about me. What they say is true. My life is hard. I was fired from my job, I suffer from social anxiety, I am secluded from the world, hell, I have even forgotten how to smile. But I wake up every morning, knowing that I am already at my lowest point in life so there is no way forward but up! As they say, such is life.”
Han Fei’s voice echoed in the hall. Someone in the crowd started to clap and it was picked up by the others. Stranded in the sea of negativity, Han Fei was graceful and calm. Sin from the human world was nothing compared to the sin from the darkest despair. If Han Fei had not experienced that Iyashikei game, perhaps he would be defeated by these horrible comments but now, he no longer feared these remarks. Compared to the extreme pain and despair, these comments were like juvenile observations.
After giving the speech, the viewership of the stream climbed again. Some kind comments interspersed among the negative ones. More users wanted to speak out for him, even if with just a heart emoji. Han Fei noted all these small acts of kindness. He was far from being able to reveal a true smile but at least it was a start. He was ready to let go of his past and face his future. At that moment, standing at the centre of the stage which he had dreamed of all his life, he stepped out from the cage which had enclosed him all these while.
Due to the pandemic, life is quite hard. I would be eternally grateful if you could spare some small donations. <>
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