Going back was possible.
…She could go back.
The words hit her chest with a thud.
“…Ha.”
Selina closed the book and glanced up at the ceiling.
Even though Kalcion said there would be a way, too, she now actually confirmed that she could go back.
Her heart beat like crazy.
Her heart, which had been shaking the whole time about giving up on ever returning, was completely turned around by the conviction that she could return.
She was not of this world.
As soon as she confirmed it once again, the roots that were trying to set foot in this world were pulled out. If she could go back, she must go back. Wasn't that why she had been working hard for Kalcion until now?
This was the moment when she achieved her original purpose… She should have been delighted with it.
“It says I can go back.”
However, she didn't laugh.
She didn’t just work here… she also loved. The declaration that she could go back was a death sentence to their love. On the other hand, Kalcion took a deep breath in and then exhaled it though he did not show much emotional agitation.
“How?”
“I think I should read it all the way to the front.”
“…Alright. Then, take it and read it slowly.”
“Can I take it out?”
“There is no one who needs it unless it’s you.”
It was put here for storage, but even if thrown on the street, no one would take it. Selina picked up the book before she could speak.
…No, she was going to take it.
With a hair's breadth, the book was in Kalcion's hands.
“It’s not too heavy, you’ll carry it?”
As she asked innocently, Kalcion stared at her with smiling eyes instead of answering her. Seeing that, Selina's smile, which she habitually gave when she turned to him, also gradually disappeared.
“What if I don’t return this?”
Even though he put on a villainous coldness, Selina's eyes were quivering. Even with words like that, she couldn't hide the anguish and hesitation that swirled in his heart.
Selina laughed lightly.
“If you want to, then so be it.”
“You’ll let me?”
“I think I will regret it even if I do this and that. If you were forced to choose, you might resent it later.”
Kalcion quietly put the book back where it was.
“If I could have ended it at the point of being resentful, I would have burned it right now.”
“Why won’t you?”
“I want to have all of you.”
“Don’t you already have everything?”
She also confessed her love and would stay here if necessary. She said she would give her mind and body, so what more did Kalcion want?
“If I force you to stay like this now, you might miss that world someday. I hate losing your heart, even for a moment like that. I will feel guilty every time I see it.”
True to his words, she had no confidence to forget the other world completely, even after giving up on going back like this. She should have tried it at least once then, or she may regret it until the day she dies.
“Do whatever you want until you find your entrance to that world.”
Although he seemed generous, he also said that he would not give up until the very end.
“It’s not too late to make your choice there.”
Selina herself did not know what choice she would make at the end of it. At the same time, the leather cover of the book that caught her fingertips was exceptionally rough.
* * *
Even after that, Kalcion continued to be busy.
There were many times when it was all about seeing her face for a second during morning training. Most of the meals were easily dealt with having meetings, and sleep was like taking a short nap in the conference room. At least he didn't come to sleep while she was awake.
Even if he was prepared, she thought it would not be easy to prepare for war. Meanwhile, Elysia struggled with the record of Songtullek while she was alone in her room.
Songtullek was really eager to help, and he explained it in an easy, step-by-step manner that even a child could understand. If she read line by line eagerly, she could follow it even if she didn’t have the basic knowledge.
The problem was that the level of difficulty of the knowledge to be delivered was quite high.
If her world was dominated by science, Songtullek's world was dominated by magic.
Just as it was not common for ordinary people to understand and live the science of moving people into space, the magic of dimension movement was also not something outsiders could understand.
Fortunately for her, he explained how to calculate the position of the door to return, even though she did not understand the principles of dimension shifting. Even if she did not understand the principle, it would be possible if she studied carefully.
“This is troubling?”
As she stared at the handwriting for a long time, her eyes already dimmed. What did she do except read the record? She had never seen herself so diligently.
Selina tossed the pen down and buried her face in the bed. She also had a lack of sleep.
When she was so focused on the calculations, there were times when she didn't know if the day was breaking, and sometimes she couldn't sleep well. She felt like she had forgotten how to sleep because all of a sudden, when she was lying in bed alone and trying to get to sleep, it was so awkward.
Pressing her sore eyes with the back of her hand, massaging them, Selina turned her thoughts back to Songtullek’s record.
Songtullek even attached a map of the other side of the monster Mountains to his book. Thanks to the calculations, it was much easier to find the approximate point. It was more intuitive for her to see with her own eyes than to remember vaguely numerical coordinates in her head.
With a little more calculation, she might be able to derive the exact point.
“If I find it…”
What would happen after that?
Kalcion only asked to tell him when she finished her calculations. He didn't say anything about whether she would pack her things and go off alone, whether he would send someone to go with her, or whether he would go with her… the longer she was alone, the more thoughts she had.
The useless delusions filled her head.
Kalcion, who sent her off in front of the city gate, and herself turned away crying or going separate ways in a blizzard, and so on.
“…I made too many movies.”
Selina shook her head and buried her face back into the pillow. However, even when she closed her eyes, Kalcion’s pathetic face, as he sent her off, lingered in front of her eyes.
Would he cry?
She thought she'd give up if he cried.
If he calmly let her go without crying, she thought that would be sad, too. She may leave with a loud wail. Then, would he forcefully hold her? She might then stay reluctantly.
Selina's mouth drooped down.
“War broke out in front of my eyes, so how can I have time to think like this?”
It may be that she was the only one who was thinking like this. Yes, it was a good time. Love was also a season. If they separated when they were burning most beautifully and passionately, they would be able to leave it as a good memory for the rest of their life.
Selina, who was comforting herself like that, buried her face deeper into the bed.
Moments later, sniffles filled the room.
* * *
Selina frowned at the feeling of something tickling the tip of her nose. She must have fallen asleep.
“Ungg…”
When she protested in a hushed voice at the tickling touch, it slipped away.
The touch distracted her from sleepiness.
Even though she was asleep, she remembered that the only person who would touch her like this was Kalcion. When she felt his touch, the corners of her mouth twitched naturally as she was enveloped in his warm feeling.
Kalcion’s fingers came forward cautiously again, and he brushed each strand of her hair, this time flowing down her forehead. It then ran down the curve of her forehead and brushed her eyebrows before running down the bridge of her nose and landing on her lips.
She could feel the faint heat of his fingertips touching her lips.
She heard the clothes rustle. Selina tried hard not to twitch her eyelids, but the moment their lips touched, her breath stopped.
When he held their hands together, their lips pressed against each other, the soft flesh under the palms pressed against each other. The lips came and went for a moment instead of deep digging, and then, as if he hadn't overcome his urge, he came back again once more briefly.
Somewhere inside her body itched, and she twisted her body.
Kalcion let out a small sigh and sat down on the side of the bed, stroking Selina's head. It was a kind and warm touch that was making her fall asleep for real, not pretending to sleep.
Her mind flickered as her consciousness was trailing away.
The hand withdrew.
Sensing he quietly got up, Selina shook off the rush of slumber and opened her eyes.
“…Are you going to just leave?”
Kalcion, whose clothes were caught, stopped and looked back.
“Did I wake you up? I’m sorry. Sleep more.”
Saying so, he pulled the blanket over Selina's shoulders and comforted her.
“Are you very busy?”
What was the point of saying it? Instead of answering, Kalcion smiled apologetically.
“Still, can you lie down for a while?”
“Well…”
Seriously, it seemed like he was busy with no time to blink his eyes. If he weren't in front of her, he would have pretended to be strong like that, but since she was right in front of his eyes, he couldn't just let her go.
“You woke me up. Put me to sleep.”
“Okay.”
As Kalcion sat back down and stroked her hair, Selina brought his hand to her cheek and pressed her lips to his palm. It was nice to see the long, stiff fingers startled and twitching.
“It’s cold.”
Hearing that, he hesitated for a while, then took off his outerwear and burrowed into the bed wearing a shirt. Now he automatically gives his arms when Selina says it's cold. He was not adding more firewood to the fireplace.
As soon as he reached out his arm, Selina rolled over and clung to his arm.
He grabbed her back with the other arm and swept her back, burying his lips on the top of her head. Kalcion took a deep breath and put her scent that was in his chest. It was as long and solemn as a first breath.
“Is it very cold? Should I add more firewood?”
“No. I guess we just need to stick around.”
At that, she hugged him tighter and pressed her body closer—chest met chest and stomach against stomach—their lower body and thighs were tightly pressed together as if they were one body from the beginning, and they fit together without any gaps.
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