Chapter 90 – Things no one has told me but you (1)
Translator: SKAIS Editor: Eyeful Solstice
I’m not sure if he was doing this because of longing or it’s just that out of naivety.
I took a small breath and shut my eyes tightly as I did. Then, I opened them as I gave out a deep sigh.
Glancing over at his hand, there was something that bothered me a little while ago…And my eyes stopped in one place.
Oh, of course.
His wrists had been slightly scratched and reddened by the handcuffs. Furthermore, I heard that the sound of chains being pulled is unusual. Poor thing.
He looked at my eyes, then followed the place where my eyes stayed, then turned his head to his side as if wondering what was wrong with it. In a matter of seconds, our eyes met, afterwards, I gave out a slight shrug and spoke.
“Doesn’t your wrist hurt?”
He was an unsusceptible child; no, a beast, who couldn’t say he was sick. He has no idea what pain is, or how to feel ache on his body.
“It doesn’t hurt.” he answered after a moment.
I chuckled lightly when I heard a small voice that came from him. What should I do with this man? I thought. I don’t know why I laughed, but I’m amused that he’s talking, glad even.
“Yes, I hope one day I know what it’s like to be sick.” Ricdorian said.
Maybe this is not something I can tell him now, but soon.
In time, he’ll understand. It’s really difficult to explain something to someone who has never felt it, or known it. I held his hands together.
The chains gave clinking sounds as I did. It echoed throughout the entire cell. Silence followed. Between me, and the chains, and him, there’s nobody here besides us. I broke the creeping silence when I spoke.
“Because it’s important to realize the pain,” I said, then he flinched. At the same time, he looked at me with a slightly ragged face. He pressed his lips together then looked down.
“Pain is also a warning sign of a greater danger. So you could avoid getting into something more dangerous. Please don’t ignore it. And don’t let things hurt you.” I carefully explained.
“Things that make you sick.” Ricdorian muttered.
“Yes. If you can’t do anything right now, you can do other things to get by. It’s not bad to not feel anything at all, for now.”
I raised his hand and put it on my chest. He looked at his hands then at me. I could see his eyes narrowing a bit, but then it disappeared.
“You can wait for the right moment, for the right opportunity.”
I don’t know how much I can do to let him know. But it would be okay to show him something that would be easier for him to understand. Something that would be easy for him to remember. At least he wouldn’t be confused.
“Someday, everything will return back in time.”
That day will definitely come to you.
He didn’t seem to understand it at all, but he nodded slowly.
“Okay? If it hurts, say it hurts. But I’m telling you, you don’t want to get hurt. Nobody wants to get hurt. Now, follow me. Wait, no…I can’t, I won’t live.”
I jokingly added at the end.
He narrowed his eyes, and I know what his expression meant. He wasn’t buying my joke. Or maybe he just doesn’t get it? Of course, it was a joke that wouldn’t work here.
Soon, Ricdorian reiterated whether he understood only the preceding expression. He’s honestly quite clueless about most things.
“You don’t want to?”
“Huh. I don’t want to.”
I hate him, I hate him… I mumbled softly like a mantra. Then he straightened his head and looked right through me.
“…Remember, I will.” The cold blue eyes stared straight at me as if they had stuck me in their eyes.
“Nobody else…told me… about all you just said…” He tightened his fingers around mine.
I almost forgot he was clutching my hands while we talked. His tightened grip on our interlocked hands made me feel like he’s pouring his strength in it, as if telling me those words with conviction.
“Other than you.” He added
He looked happy.
I once saw a video of an abandoned dog smiling brightly at his adoptee. It was amazing that even a speechless animal could feel so delighted.
Furthermore, I’m the very first person who let him out of the basement, so I can’t help it. Even if it were me, I wouldn’t forget who would do such a kind thing to me. I would owe that someone with my life, for sparing me, taking care of me. But I know, even if I do something unreasonable, that’s it.
“And one more thing.” I pulled up the corners of my lips and grinned as if I was ready to prank someone. He pressed his lips together. He gave out a surprised expression that only lasted three seconds, then he spoke in a low, slow voice.
“Don’t give it to me.”
Just to be clear. The limitations to what I can give him is very easy to understand. I already told him about it before. So, I won’t be saying it again and it doesn’t mean I can give him food anytime you want.
“You remember what I said before? Say no. Don’t take the food even if you want to ask me for some. Food, no. But it doesn’t mean you have to starve. You also have to learn to take care of yourself, and eating is one of them.”
He stopped. I figured that I need to keep talking now that he’s listening.
“Someone may cheat you anytime, anywhere and hit your back. The food might be dangerous or not even safe. So don’t even trust me.” Because I’m that type of person, someone who will disappear after gaining the favor I wanted.
“…no.” Ricdorian said.
“What?” I asked, making sure if I heard him right.
“You told me to say no, if I don’t like it.” He said with certitude.
I couldn’t hide my surprised face.
“Wow… you learn fast.” While saying this, I felt like I did a great job.
I didn’t think this was something that can’t be easily done to people… I wondered if this was how it felt to raise a pet. It is a little difficult in the beginning. But I have to say, it’s getting a little easier now.
“But what I said is true. Engrave it in your heart. Always remember. There’s nothing good in receiving treats from me. Remember, okay?”
“Why…” He said as I poked him in the cheek.
“First of all, I can’t treat your wrists unless I bring you medicine.” He glanced down slowly, skimmed his wrists and took them down.
“In addition… I’m here to do something bad to you.”
Bad deed, cancer. Yeah. It’s a bad thing.
Thinking of the tool that Jair had given me, I kicked my tongue inside. I can’t let my tongue spill out everything.
“Bad… act?”
As I said so far, I wanted to be in the lookout for Ricdorian. I thought about it for a long time, but I couldn’t help it if it would come out like that, and I was thinking of stepping down.
Even so, no matter how hard I think about it, it was neither my principle nor my conscience to make this man sick. I couldn’t leave him alone. But at the same time, my body moved slightly.
“Then, that bad thing, if you get hit.”
“Uh… Hmm…”
“Are you going to stay with me?” Ricdorian said as he pulled me towards him, but I was so embarrassed by what I heard that made me stumble.
Still, Ricdorian caught my body that lost its balance. However, he failed to brace himself on the added weight by the sudden catch and we both toppled to the floor.
Ahhhh, My gosh!!
Eventually, Ricdorian’s body carried me backwards. I closed my eyes tightly, feeling dizziness beginning to take over me. And it took some time for me to register just what position I was currently in.
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