I had a dream.
In my dream, there was a young me standing in a long hallway.
When I turned my head to the side, there was a railing, and below it, I could see a large hall and a massive door on the first floor.
When I turned my head back, there was a wall.
Unlike the previous one, there was nothing in the background.
There was a tingling sensation coming from my smaller hand that came into view.
There was a small scratch that surprised me.
‘When did this happen?’
Oh yeah.
This was a wound caused by Alastair.
Alastair threw a vase at me.
I had reflexively raised my hand to avoid the flying container, and it hit my hand.
This was a wound I got then.
Creak—
Maybe because it was a dream, the sound of the door opening sounded even louder and grotesque.
I turned in the direction of the ringing pitch.
I thought I was alone, but suddenly there are three more people besides me.
Two men in uniforms are dragging a boy from each arm.
I thought that the servants would treat the boy more carefully.
The boy’s name is Alastair.
It’s still an unfamiliar and awkward name even though several years have passed since he came to his mansion.
With every step the men take the boy recoils and shakes wildly.
His head lifted slightly.
His purple eyes flashed as he saw me. It happened in the blink of an eye.
Alastair rushed at me.
The vigilant servants, who were on guard, were greatly embarrassed.
“Agh……!” [Gasp]
Alastair grabbed my neck and started to strangle me.
Thud!
Alastair’s body fell over mine on the floor.
“Get him— right now!”
“How dare you—Miss…!”
The servants who ran belatedly pulled Alastair off of me.
He struggled to escape their arms, but he was too weak to do so. Because he was young and small.
“I am ·······! Why am I ·······!”
Alastair shouted with a voice full of poison:
“I have to love something like you…! But I hate it! I hate it!”
Supported by the attendant, I got up and rubbed my neck. My throat was sore and throbbing.
I wasn’t startled because he was often aggressive with me.
At that time, I was so used to it that I couldn’t imagine what would happen next.
What would Alastair be like after brainwashing
* * *
I had forgotten.
Memories buried deep from a long time ago resurfaced in my dreams. I chewed them over.
I woke up early, ate right away, and with Lida’s help, I changed into my outdoor clothes.
“Are you going?”
“Um, yes.”
As I left the hallway to go out, I ran into Igelto.
Even if I didn’t say it, he had a rough idea of where I was going.
I was going to Melford to retrieve those brainwashing scented candles.
“Have a safe trip.”
“Yes, I’ll be right back.”
I sent a letter to Mikhail and asked him to look at the Duke’s schedule.
It would be a little safer to visit while she was away from the mansion.
He asked why, but I didn’t say.
I mumbled and got into the carriage and leaned against my back.
My heart is shaking already.
I closed my eyes to calm the tremor.
It wasn’t long before the carriage started.
I closed my eyes, and a darkness of nothing unfolded.
Suddenly, the dream I had earlier came to mind.
In retrospect, in the beginning, Alastair and I weren’t close at all.
At the time, I didn’t care whether he was brainwashed or tortured by my family.
Yeah, that’s what I had thought back then:
It’s none of my business.
Poor boy.
That was all.
However, it didn’t take long for those thoughts to change.
My daily life had changed since he was brainwashed and loved me.
* * *
[t1v: flashback]
Serina.
My hand that was pulling a book out from the shelf trembled at the voice calling for me.
I looked back nervously.
Behind me, as if it were natural, was Alastair.
I dreaded this terribly.
“I’ve been looking for you for a while.”
He laughed brightly as if he was happy to find me.
Conversely, my face was wrinkled without mercy.
He came a step closer to me.
I shuddered and took a step back and said urgently:
“Stay there.”
I was terrified of him approaching me.
If he came near me, I would choke as if the air was polluted.
When he tried to reach me, I became nauseous with disgust, like bugs were crawling all over me.
“Turn your head. Your eyes… are very upsetting.”
I hated the way those eyes looked at me.
Those purple eyes were as beautiful as jewels, but they were lifeless.
He looks at me lovingly, but his eyes are empty.
It was as if maggots ate up all the contents and left his eyes void.
“Don’t approach me. Act the way you use to. You hate me.”
“……How can I hate you.”
His speech was stilted and awkward, as if he was a child struggling to read for the first time. His forced expression made him turn white and pale.
He looked like a puppet being controlled.
I read the original and knew that one day this day would come, but this is…
This change in attitude was creepier than I had anticipated.
Even I had to admit that those purple eyes that sometimes express hatred and are sometimes mesmerized by me are captivating.
He, who had hated me so much, was now so anxious because he loved me and couldn’t close the distance between us.
I left him behind and quickly exited the study.
As I walked through the hallway, I saw a familiar face.
It was my mother’s maid, Marina.
She greeted me with courtesy.
I ignored her and continued walking.
“Miss, have you ever seen the young master?”
Marina’s question came from behind me.
I knew immediately which young master she was talking about. It must be Alastair.
“The Duke is looking for the young master, but I can’t find him.”
My fast-paced feet stopped in the middle of the corridor.
I didn’t know why my mother was calling him. It’s probably about brainwashing.
“How would I know?”
I won’t tell you, but you’ll find him soon anyway.
That was just the way things were.
***
[t1v: another scene, still in flashback]
After washing up in the bathroom, I turned to the mirror.
My reflection illustrated a girl with her wet silver hair hanging down and her skin red from roughly rubbing her wet skin.
The room was tinted orange by the light of a burning candle.
The sky was dark outside the window through the gap in the curtain.
It was still hot after washing, so I opened the beige curtains and unlocked the window, and a cool breeze came in.
I was in a good mood, but the candle flickered as if it was going to go out, and I wondered if I should close the window.
Knock knock.
The sound made me leave the window and approach the door.
“Who is it?”
I opened the door without even checking out who the knocker was.
And I immediately regretted it.
I looked at the figure standing at the door and tried to close it.
But Alastair urgently pushed the door in the opposite direction.
Thanks to this, the door could not be opened or closed—we were in a standstill.
“What are you doing?”
“Let me in Seri·······.”
“I never allowed you to use my nickname, and it’s rude to come here so late at night. Go back.”
“······I am sick.”
“Then there’s even more reason you shouldn’t be here. If you are sick, you should go see a doctor.”
I tried to close the door but to no avail.
Rather, the gap between the door and the wall widened.
Damn it. He was stronger than me.
“What are you doing…?!”
He opened the door, walked in, and hugged me.
“……I missed you, Serina.”
He buried his face deep in the nape of my neck and caressed my face as if to find a sense of stability and reality.
The stroking sensation gave me goosebumps.
“Get away……!”
I pushed him as if I was hitting him.
Then his body shook back and collapsed limply.
Only then could I see his condition.
His black hair was soaked with sweat, and his eyes were hazy and half-closed and heavy-lidded.
I suddenly recalled Marina looking for Alastair earlier.
He was on his way back from being brainwashed.
“Get out.”
I grabbed the doorknob and opened the door wide.
He grabbed my skirt.
“I love you, Serina.”
It was a startling confession.
My body was cold.
I’m used to him attacking and hating me all the time.
I’m horrified.
He confessed love to me with such lifeless eyes.
It was more terrible than a ghost murmuring in your ear.
“If you’re going to throw me away, I’d rather you kill me.”
His hand holding my skirt went up and grabbed my hand.
Reflexively, I tried to shake him off, but his grip was firm.
“……Let me go.”
“I love you. I love you, Serina.”
He didn’t seem to hear me.
Seeing you keep spitting out the words that linger in your head. It was as if I could see an infection spreading.
I hated this.
It was terrible.
It was creepy.
Purple eyes gleamed as if possessed.
I’ve seen eyes like this before.
It was the eyes—not those who have deep faith, but it was the eyes of the crazy religious.
“Let me go!”
“You know what? Seri, you’re lovely even when you’re angry.”
He smiled.
Soon he burst into laughter.
How can you laugh at this situation?
I’m openly saying I don’t like it and expressing fear.
‘You’re crazy…’
His lips open as if he was trying to say something, drawing a line.
I knew what he was about to say and didn’t want to hear it, so I covered my ear with one hand that wasn’t caught by him.
One ear was still open, so I could still hear him.
“I love you.”
At that moment, the wind blew through the open window.
The candle that had filled the room with a flickering orange light suddenly went out.
A strong rejection arose inside my body as if it was a taboo phrase.
“Let go!”
I don’t know where the strength came from, but a burst of energy threw his arm off of me.
I ran out the open door, scared that he might come after me.
A dark hallway greeted me, and I ran until I was out of breath.
Moonlight drenched through the windows.
Stepping on that light, I walked down the stairs.
I gathered my wits about me.
Why did I run away?
It’s my room.
Puzzled by my actions, I turned to go back to my room.
“Thud.”
Alastair was behind me.
He came after me. Even though I clearly rejected him and showed my repulsion.
My whole body became stiff and icy.
“Why are you avoiding me?”
He asked, his head tilting. As if he genuinely didn’t understand.
He was extremely expressionless, like a creepy haunted doll.
He reached out to me.
I avoided his hand and retreated back.
I glanced back and spotted the staircase.
When I turned my head again, his hand was close to my nose between my glances.
The accident happened in an instant.
“Arghh!”
Alastair rolled down the stairs, and I looked into my hand with shaking eyes.
Seeing him approaching, by mistake…
I had pushed him.
I forced my legs to go down each step on the staircase,
“… hey.”
There was no answer back.
“······Wake up.”
It was dark so that I couldn’t see well, but there was something darker and more intense on the stairs.
After looking at it for a while, I figured out what it was.
“Blood·······?”
I felt I saw something I should not have seen.
“Are you dead…?”
I…… I didn’t mean to do this. I just didn’t want you to come near me…
My legs were weak.
There was no more strength to sustain my weight.
A lot of blood came on my collapsed leg.
At that moment, I couldn’t stand it and screamed.
The attendants rushed out, and even when they saw the sight, they moved calmly.
Only
I was barely able to calm down after a little coaxing.
That night, I couldn’t sleep for a second.
I hated you, but I didn’t want you to die.
Don’t die.
When I think about it now, I was young and tender.
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