Chapter 54
Translator: Kay
Lust……. lust?
Although it was a word that was impossible not to know, I couldn’t immediately accept what it meant.
It was so out of the blue.
My whole body, which had been standing idly, belatedly turned red like a burning sweet potato.
I was not ashamed. I was furious.
No matter the situation, he was good at crushing people’s composure and turning them upside down.
I immediately replied to his words with contempt.
“It seems like you gain pleasure from insulting the innocent dead.”
Does it make your life better? What was wrong with you?
Even if Felix didn’t really die, it was not words that I could tolerate and let pass by.
I was already shocked that he attended the funeral of the man he killed himself – he was probably the devil’s reincarnation himself – but what? Lust?
I couldn’t stand by and watch Benjamin’s behavior as he insulted the deceased as naturally as breathing.
I glared at him the way Claudia did to Lucas when she was about to stir up a hornet’s nest1 .
“Your Excellency, even if you have a human body and a human mouth, it doesn’t mean the words you say make you a human.”
What a twisted being.
I faced Benjamin, who seemed to be a conglomeration of all the malice in the world, with a skeptical expression.
Then he stared at me with an expression that looked like he had chewed on an unripe persimmon2. I must have reacted differently than he expected.
That was great.
“Even in this situation, that disrespectful behavior of yours is still strong. Do you think I made up those words?”
“You should say things that actually make sense.”
“Well, at this point, I’m starting to feel sympathy…….”
Benjamin sighed, marveling at my ability to elicit this level of emotion from him.
What a crazy bastard.
“There’s nothing more painful than dying without being able to convey your heart, but I cannot even convey it to you.”
A flicker of genuine pity crossed Benjamin’s face. ‘The esteemed son of the Chamberlains has already passed away, so there’s no way to confirm it’ – he seemed to be scornfully implying that.
I was seriously thinking about just throwing a kick here and turning him into the second Arasa Moore3 .
But, I had to swallow back the urge because, if I didn’t, I feared that I would end up buried with Felix.
Felix, the world’s filled with bullshit.
Anyway, the instant I returned to the mansion, I should see him right away.
I entered the funeral hall with Claudia and sat at the front. Honestly, I didn’t know how I managed to come all the way here.
There were precisely two dictionary meanings of the word ‘lust’.
The first: greed from fleeting impulses.
The second: a purely physical desire.
I doubted Benjamin would have whispered and acted like he was telling me a secret if it was the first meaning.
……A physical desire? That Felix? Me?
‘Did you injure your eyes?’
No matter how hard I thought about it, that was the only conclusion I could come up with, along with the fact that Benjamin was undoubtedly quick-witted.
I couldn’t help but acknowledge that fact too.
‘No, perhaps he incriminated Felix in order to upset me in the first place.’
And it was also undeniable that Benjamin enjoyed trapping and fooling people as if he was a huntsman. So, without question, I naturally thought it was the latter.
However, when I belatedly remembered Benjamin’s words, the actions Felix had shown me so far quickly passed through my mind.
‘I don’t believe he has a desire for me……’
Felix, wouldn’t right?
On the contrary, it was I who wanted to lick his body and covet it……. I wanted to feel his muscles…….
“Arghhhh!”
I pulled my hair, screaming and tearing it to shake out my intrusive thoughts. When I made a loud noise, people looked at me, but no one thought it was strange because it was a funeral hall.
Only Claudia was surprised.
“What’s wrong?”
I groaned and earnestly asked as I gazed into her eyes, “Can’t you punch the Duke of Remberg, too?”
“Shall I?”
“……no, I’m just kidding.”
‘Please don’t answer me so readily.’
Lucas was so stupid that even if he was hit, it would be alright, but Benjamin would definitely make strange demands as compensation. It was over as soon as he discovered a weakness.
I belatedly discovered why Benjamin’s words about lust annoyed me so much.
It was because the words hit the nail on the head4 .
Although it wasn’t to the extent that it could be called lust, Felix, who appeared with the power of the devil, seemed different.
The loss of his magical abilities was like losing a limb, and every day he would suffer in misery due to the cruel impulses of the devil……..
My blood pressure rose, and I breathed out a harsh breath. Then my eyes settled on the coffin on the podium.
The lid of the coffin, made of pure white marble decorated with elegant white flowers, was firmly shut.
“It was so horribly burned that they couldn’t identify him, let alone know the truth behind it. It turned out he was saving a young boy from the Magic Department…….”
As I listened to the conversations of people sobbing everywhere, I recalled the conversation I had with Felix the day before.
On the day he was subjected to the power of the devil, he erased and returned the memories of the young sorcerer who was accidentally involved with him like in the novel.
The artifact was destroyed after Felix used the magic to erase memory, so it must have been recorded as his last use of magic.
And now, all that remained was a young boy from the same magic department with no memories of that day.
Felix said that although it was possible to erase memories, there was no way in the world to erase emotions. In other words, the desperate fear and frustration the boy felt at the time, along with the relief, gratitude, and feelings he experienced when saved by Felix, remained all in the boy’s mind.
“Although I don’t know if he’ll voluntarily testify or not, this is the minimum safety measure.”
That’s what Felix said. The boy wasn’t part of his plan, and he had no intentions of taking advantage of him. In other words, Felix just left room for the boy to make his own choice.
If the young sorcerer had enough strength to overcome the fear he felt from the three useless brothers, he could testify for Felix. On the other hand, if the young sorcerer could not overcome it, he could remain forever silent about what happened – not by intimidation and coercion but by his own choice.
“I’m not even God, but I’m arrogant enough to test the boy.”
Felix bitterly said, mocking himself.
“I told you before. I am selfish.”
He believed that it was only possible for him to turn his attention to even a single blade of grass that bloomed on the side of the road because he was born in a more blessed environment than others and could afford it.
“I don’t know why everyone idolizes me. I’m just a regular person who’s fulfilling the bare minimum of human duties, but you all exaggerate it.”
That’s because countless people didn’t even carry out the bare minimum human duties you mentioned. The higher the status of the aristocrat, the more prevalent this was. They didn’t even know what ‘noblesse oblige5 ’ meant.
In fact, despite possessing a different level of magic that no one could surpass, Felix insisted on being the Vice Minister, not the Minister of Magic.
It was because he humbly lowered himself, claiming that he was still young and inexperienced and wasn’t suitable for such a position.
However, it was needless to say that the current Minister of Magic – a self-elected bureaucrat – would have forced Felix out of the position if he hadn’t given it up.
Felix was a person who would find a reason for every single wildflower blooming on the side of the road. He was honest to a fault, always placed others first, and respected and raised others.
“Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
I recalled a verse from the Bible that I had heard when I was a child. A friend managed to entice me into the church by telling me that they provided snacks.
Anyway, in the end, the young sorcerer’s choice made his choice.
The boy testified that Felix might have erased his memory after saving him, and thanks to that, he swiftly proved Felix’s innocence.
“Heu-eug, at such a young age, the Vice Minister…”
“I know. I thought he would live the longest among us, but who would have thought it would be like this? God must have taken him away early since he loved him too much.”
Then, in the crowd, there was a man brimming with rage.
“There’s no way the greatest sorcerer of the Empire died in vain like this. We must get to the bottom of his death!”
‘No, I understand your feelings, but please don’t do that.’
“Yes, we should. But today, I want to grieve as much as I can.”
I was sitting like a sack of bread among the grief-stricken and heartbroken people.
By looking at his funeral, you could tell what type of life he lived in this world.
It was amazing that there were so many people who would cry and mourn with all their hearts.
That’s right. He’s a great person.
He was more transparent than water, warmer than the sun, fresher than wind, and clearer than the autumn sky.
Felix, who was now the specter of the Chamberlains, said to me with eyes darker than the darkness.
“I’ll do whatever it takes. I haven’t completely abandoned it yet, but one day I’ll trample on my morality and faith. But it doesn’t matter. That’s why I died.”
Felix declared that he would be born anew with death and that he didn’t know what kind of steps he would take in the future.
It was something that even I wouldn’t know.
Throughout the funeral, people spoke about how Felix was a saint of admirable character and his greatness. Even the priest who led the ritual.
No kidding but it would probably be quicker to find someone who wasn’t indebted to him here.
It gave me peace of mind6 .
‘Indeed, there’s no lust.’
I was the only one who had an impure mind.
In any case, the funeral was a success. Now that the coffin rested in the cemetery, we should avoid people’s eyes and head to the island with Felix.
Although I wasn’t religious, I currently needed it to help me control my mind and abolish the defilements.
T/N: Hopefully Rin’s internal turmoil wasn’t too hard to follow! (FYI the text in quotations and italics are all quotes that Rin is recalling – the author formatted it in such a manner!).
1. To “stir up a hornet’s nest” means to cause a commotion, especially one that’s extremely difficult to deal with.↩
2. An unripe persimmon causes your mouth to pucker as they are extremely bitter (or astringent).↩
3. Arasa Moore is the guy in chapters 21-22 (the Crown Prince’s lackey) who tried to flirt with Rin and who Rin kicked in the nuts in self-defense.↩
4. “Hit the nail on the head” means to describe exactly what is causing a situation/problem.↩
5. Noblesse oblige is the obligation of honorable, generous, and responsible behavior associated with high rank or birth.↩
6. If something gives you ‘peace of mind,’ it stops you from worrying about a particular problem or difficulty.↩
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