Chapter 266
If The Night Is Long, The Dreams Are Deep (5)
Pain that seemed to burn into my heart now came to me. My eyes turned in their sockets and the world became white.
“Your Highness! Your Highness!”
“Noo… eh, eeh, eh!”
The screams of my dear ones rang throughout my ears.
“I’m …!”
“…Please …! …!”
Even that faded and disappeared. My consciousness became distant. There was a sharp ringing in my ears which felt as if it was tearing my eardrums apart. The sky collapsed, and the earth rose. In the midst of countless gyrations of reality, I began to fall down. Down, down, ever deeper.
‘Plop!’
I heard illusory sounds, and a chill came over me. Even the pain that burned my heart seemed to freeze in that terrible chill. My thoughts, my consciousness, were distant. It felt as if I had already been through the same situation before. The sensation when I had first peeked into the memories of my previous life had been exactly the same as now. Yet, at the same time, it did not feel the same. The memories of my past life had come to me unexpectedly; today’s actions had all been my own doing. Also, on that day I had merely glimpsed death beyond the boundary. Now, I’ve completely crossed that barrier.
I was dead.
I looked down. The dark abyss I had seen before was waiting for me with its maw stretched wide open.
I looked up again. It seemed as if I was peeking at the world from beneath a lake frozen in midwinter. I stared blankly at the solid surface as I sank endlessly deeper.
Then, at one point, terrible pain came.
Would it ever feel like this if my flesh had been cut from me?
Did it feel as if all the bones in my body were being torn apart?
Wouldn’t it be like this if all my fingers and toes were scorched into cinders?
It felt as if my consciousness was flying away from me and the terrible pain. Maybe it would be better on the other side. Perhaps it would be less painful. But the pain constantly awakened me; there was no escape.
The only thing I could do was to sink endlessly, struggling.
‘Fuush!’
My body seemed to be burning, yet my soul was freezing. My fragmented and scattered soul shards collided with each other, stabbed into each other and shattered even more. And while my soul was broken like that, it also hardened. I didn’t think I would ever be able to put my shattered soul back together again.
It felt as if it would endlessly be powdered down like that, leaving nothing behind as I scattered into the void.
I was so scared, and I knew: the time given to me was ending. The end imposed upon me was approaching, and there was nothing I could do.
The results would not change, even if I were to struggle. And even if I turned away, the moment of my extinction would arrive. And so I just waited, struggling with the pain, trapped in the coldness. Trembling in fear.
My soul was shredded and frozen repeatedly. I waited for it to disappear utterly.
It was a terrible experience that wasn’t easy to bear, even for me, who had existed for countless years. It was too harsh for the handful of fragments of my shattered soul to bear. But nevertheless-
‘Kahaha!’
I laughed. The faces of countless people came to my mind—Arwen, Adelia, Vincent, Carls, Bernardo.
Those who I held dear, my knights. My uncle, Jordan, the Winter Castle knights and rangers. Gunn, Gionne, and the other half-elves. Ophelia, Agnes; the people I loved, my people. The king, Maximilian, Bielefeld, Siorin, and countless other.
Just remembering their faces made me laugh. It had been very fun. All the hate, all the love; the fighting and understanding. True, these were just single moments in my long life. But at the same time, they were the most intense moments of my ancient existence. If someone would ask me then, I would answer them with confidence: It hadn’t been a long time, but it had been fun. I would say that I had lived well.
I was beaten and diminished, yet I stood tall.
b Why the hell is your face so sad?}
At that time, a blunt voice came from somewhere. It was Agnes.
b You have lived happily, so what’s with you having such a face?}
‘I’m worried.’
b Why the hell is that?}
‘I can’t forget the pale faces of those I love as they looked at me in the final moment.’
b Why worry about them when you’re the one dying?}
Wouldn’t the thoughtful Arwen be blaming herself for aiding my death?
Perhaps Adelia, ever timid, was crying because she was scared and alone without me.
I wondered how hard it was for the honest Vincent to lose me after his father’s demise.
I knew that Carls, with his strong sense of responsibility, would be feeling pessimistic.
I wondered if Eli, that stupid guy, would abandon his dreams after seeing what happened to me.
And in truth, I simply couldn’t stand it because I was worried that those I left behind would be having a hard time because of me.
b You’re a stupid guy.}
‘I also know this.’
b A person who lives like a hermit, worrying about others all the time but pretending to be strong on your own.}
In the midst of such unpleasant feelings, my sadness eagerly clung to me.
b You are an idiot.}
I started laughing as I heard Agnes’s fiery rant coursing through the vicinity.
b Fucking hell! Don’t laugh if your face looks like that. Damned… at least look happy for me.}
‘Thanks, Agnes.’
Agnes didn’t answer me, and she didn’t talk to me anymore. However, I could feel that she was still watching me, probably trying to complete this final journey with me. I had been afraid that I would disappear alone, but Agnes’s words made it possible to forget my pain and fear of annihilation, if only slightly. Thanks to this, I was able to wait more comfortably for the end.
I thought so, but I proved to be wrong in the end.
I existed in a space where I could not know where the top and where the bottom was. And then a being of deepest darkness emerged from the abyss with its mouth wide open. It was the first time I’ve seen it in person, yet I knew what it was: a soul predator.
It was the true face of the power I had used when I was a sword, when I had devoured souls offered to me as sacrifice and leaving no trace of them. The greedy beast shuddered as it tasted the air, as I watched my shattered soul flow ever down. The moment I saw it, the fear of extinction that had left me for a moment reared its head once more. Terrible pain again began to dominate me.
I didn’t struggle. Instead, I grabbed the part of my soul not yet fragmented and stared at the predator. If I was going to be eaten anyway, I would do so with open eyes, facing the monster—so that my end would not be miserable and undignified.
The thing hovered around me as if waiting for my soul to be wholly cut to pieces.
‘Shuur!’
Wherever the being passed, only deep darkness remained. So, when it had rotated around me a few laps, my surroundings consisted of an utterly black void.
‘Smalsmal’
Little by little, the darkness got closer.
{Poor Gruhorn.}
It ravenously ate away at the fragments of my soul that flowed out of my body.
b My beloved mentor and friend. Please, your-}
Even swallowing Agnes’s voice.
In that manner, the soul predator finally got in front of me. Everything before my eyes turned black, and only darkness was visible, a darkness so deep that nothing else could be seen. Even the faces of my dear ones were chewed up in the end.
I knew then that I was finally alone. I intuited that the moment of my extinction was imminent. And that moment was was more terrible than I thought. I was lonely, I was afraid. In the dark, I could hear the beast chewing on something. I didn’t know if it was a hallucination brought on by my fear, or if it was a real sound.
The only thing that was certain was that it would never be satisfied with just the crumbs. The last thing that would come to the table of the unsated beast would be the remaining, unscattered portion of my soul. I suddenly realized the identity of the greedy beast, knowing that I had known him in the past.
It was probably the most powerful enemy that I had defeated. In this terrible world, it was a very strong and tough evil that would wait for my ultimate scattering for many hours. I saw him, and he was looking at me.
With a gaze full of anticipation and evil, he was waiting for me to break apart into even finer pieces.
And finally, the moment he was waiting for came.
Two pieces of soul promptly fell from my body.
I stared blankly at my sundered soul, all with a terrible sense of loss and helplessness. There was a large fragment that shone brilliantly even in the darkness, and a small, shabby piece that shone faintly in comparison.
The moment I saw it, I knew: the big piece was from my previous life, and the small fragment was the time I had lived as Adrian Leonberger.
The darkness opened its maw.
‘Alas…’
Looking at it, I struggled like crazy, desperately reached out, and grabbed them—the large fragment, and the smaller one, my life as Adrian. I hugged the pieces of my soul, holding them tightly in my arms.
I curled up, waiting for the pain of annihilation that would soon come. The beast opened its mouth, wider and wider. I closed my eyes, holding the pieces of my soul that remained even tighter.
‘Farewell.’
Within myself, I said goodbye to those I loved. However, the pain of extinction, which seemed so imminent, did not come.
‘Ah, ah, ah!’
Instead, a painful scream came. I opened my eyes again and saw a golden soul shining brightly in front of me.
I blankly looked at the shapeless mass of light.
b It was unsightly, so I could see it no more} Agnes said bluntly to me.
‘Why?’
b I’m just paying my debt.}
‘What debt?’
b As you did for me, I will do so for you.}
It felt as if her unexpected answer hit into me, and then, I shouted at her.
‘Agnes! You cannot handle the darkness facing you now, not with only your soul left to you!’
b When did I ever fight by considering the odds? I just fought because I had to fight.}
‘Agnes!’ I shouted once again.
b Are you still stupid? If that’s the case, how did you ever beat this big guy? Right now, I will be helpful to you, as you have been to me.}
Contrary to reproaching me, Agnes spoke in a strong voice, somehow praising me for my boldness. I struggled; I wanted to push her away if I could—so that she did not get caught up in this, so that her shining soul did not fall to the irresistible darkness. But now that I was too small and weak, all I could do was shout.
b You’re being a bit loud. Don’t worry—who am I? Wasn’t I the knight who killed Eda, the giant king? Wasn’t I the great warrior wooed by all the knights in the world?}
Though there was only the shapeless light, it seemed as if I could see the image of Agnes, and she seemed annoyed for some reason.
b Now, there is no one else to help you, even though my sharp sword has long ago become a blunted relic.}
I continued to call to Agnes, all the same pleading with her.
b Fuck, stop whining for a second. Because my ears are ringing. I died once anyway, so what is another death?}
‘It’s not just death!’ I shouted angrily. ‘You will be completely consumed without even a chance for reincarnation!’
b I won’t sit by and see you sacrifice your soul-}
I heard a terrible roar before Agnes could even finish speaking. At the same time, her soul began to shine even more brilliantly.
b If I am destroyed, don’t weep. I hate that.}
Darkness rushed in the moment she stopped speaking, and a brilliant golden flash burned brightly as it pushed at the darkness. I knew how this fight would end.
‘Agnes! Ann!’ I desperately called to her, struggling to stand by her.
But my soul, already damaged and almost lost, could not even move forward. The brilliant golden light began to shake as the darkness raged ever fiercer. Agnes’s great soul was shattered and scattered in all directions.
b You are strong! If we had met in life, we would have been good partners!}
Agnes did not back down while her soul was being shaved, winnowed down. She acted as she did in life, but from the start, the results were fixed. The darkness had grown up by consuming the souls I had fed upon in the past, and it was the absolute power in this space. I shouted and shouted, hoping that even now Agnes would withdraw. But she kept fighting, and her soul kept getting smaller.
‘Oh no!’
Agnes turned to me.
b If we met when we both were human, it would have been very fun.}
Hearing her warm voice, I gritted my teeth. I now grasped a small piece of her soul in my hand, our most precious moment when we had promised to make it together until the end. To burn that piece, to push it out into the area of darkness…
At that moment, a miracle happened.
b Hah, you pretend to be cool all by yourself.}
A brilliant white flash of light materialized, facing the darkness.
b It’s been a long time.}
He was my friend, the founder of the Leonberg Kingdom, and the Dragon Slayer. A bunch of golden rays gathered right next to him. Although the same color as Agnes’s soul, it was not as warm, and it felt more detached.
b So the King of Money works on something that brings him no profit for some reason} Dragon Slayer quipped.
b Although I worship money, some situations call for a knife to be drawn without payment. And I owe Gruhorn a debt.} It was the soul of the Mercenary King.
And beside them, countless lights bloomed.
b What debt? Debt for selling Gruhon to someone else?} one of them demanded
b At that time, I was in dire need.}
b Oh, the Mercenary King, greediest bastard in the world, is making some hard excuses} a loud voice piped up. These were all nostalgic voices, so familiar to me. They were the souls of great knights who had been with me in the past.
Dragon Slayer looked at me and said, {You are not alone.}
The other souls booed at his words.
b Oh, you think you look so cool! You, the unscrupulous man, without conscience, who exploited our cute Gruhorn by binding him with a covenant to your descendants.}
b If you really cared, you should have gone out ahead of the rude, swearing lady.}
{Stop!}
The chattering of the souls ceased when someone gave a sharp shout. It was Agnes, and she was shining the same as she had been when first appearing before me.
b Talking comes later} she said. {Now is the time to do what we need to do.}
The souls began to radiate brilliantly in every color of light.
b Go, knights born of the great dawn!}
A brilliant army of light promptly fired out toward the darkness.
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