Chapter 47
Translator” wuttisyun
With the help of this man who was the templar of the God of all plants and the information he had, with the help of the man I saved, even in this Empire who was doomed to be ruined, I could find a space to breathe. I expressed my feeling truthfully. Something I could not even do in front of Dane or Fleon.
“Don’t you feel sorry for me? I almost died and barely managed to survive. And now, I have to spy on the enemies in their territory.”
“Maybe it’s fate.”
The corners of his lips lifted on his pale face. He swept up his sky blue hair before opening his eyes and replying to me sternly. I felt a little guilty when I saw him pressing his temple as if he was getting a headache.
“Wouldn’t you like to give me any advice as a senior?”
“A senior?”
Amor muttered before smirking with his lean face.
“Because we both survived.”
“I’ve already told you. There’s no point in living life like a dog.”
“… But.”
“Stop. It was your choice to act like a moron to survive.”
I looked at Amor who was glancing at me drily before shifting my gaze to something behind him.
“I didn’t mean to blame you for what happened, brother.”
“I know.”
My tired expression and his sick and sensitive one mirrored each other. The experiences we were put through made us look like each other. The endless nights I would stay up thinking I was going to die and the nights he had to live through in the face of helpless fear, dried our skins and made us look like this.
It was not all because of our choices.
In my previous life, when I was sick, I would go to the hospital, when I was being robbed, I would call the police but where do I go to seek help for the ruthless violence and torture I had recieved?
I knew. Our relationship was barely tethering and nothing much had seemed to have changed between us. If Castor and I were to go up against each other, he would still choose to side with Castor without hesitation. I understood that this was the effect Castor’s powers had on Amor and I understood how it must have felt as if he was being chained down.
But on the other hand, I pitied him. I did not know how I could unchain him. I already had my hands full trying to survive myself.
Nevertheless, I wanted him to be at least a little happy.
For me as well.
“I don’t need much. Just a little.”
Amor looked down at me as I squatted and looked back at him.
“Just a little bit. Please help me a little. I am the only one living in a place where I don’t know anything about everything. I’m cold and tired.”
He pursed his lips as if he was about to say something before slowly replying to me.
“Why, are you telling me such things without reserve?”
“Well, that’s because we’re comrades, right?”
“Comrades?”
I laughed at his incredulous gaze. Then, I meant everything I spat out in my reply.
“We’re comrades that managed to survive yet another day.”
Although we might not have been on the same boat, we were facing the same storm. Both of us were in a predicament in the face of the huge storm that was Castor. Could we not find the power to overcome it by building strength from each other in the midst of the ongoing storm? It was still a difficult path to take but since I had lived once before, I thought I could handle this twice as easily.
“Sounds like we’re comrades.”
I did not know what he was thinking but looking at how his gaze was becoming relaxed and how his words were not as harsh as before, I felt as if we got a little closer. At least that was what I wanted to believe. It felt like a small reward in return for the countless hours I had spent trying to save him. I was not sure but I felt as if he was becoming comfortable around me even for just a moment because he would remember me now, I hope these comfortable times between us lasted for a long time.
“… The Solatarium is a neutral zone. Neither the Crown Prince nor the 2nd Prince has power there. That’s why a lot of fights for vested interests occur there as well. There are also many templars there.”
“I’m going to have to be careful then.”
Amor nodded.
“Granius is known to be an impartial official. But he’s also the greatest hypocrite. I’m not sure if he’s willing to protect you from death but I’m sure that he would never protect you from harm. But it’s up to you to judge.”
I blinked my eyes and nodded.
“You’re right. That’s possible.”
“You going to the Solatarium could be seen as a good thing. Granius had to come all this way for a man who was accidentally poisoned. He’s affectionate to those who have suffered and treats his subordinates well.”
“So, if I earn his favour.”
“Yeah. Your days could become easier.”
Amor swept down his face and closed the windows with just the flick of his head. He looked very tired.
“Maybe it’s not as difficult as I thought it was.”
Amor stared off into the distance as if he was no longer interested in me. I noticed a heat blazing in his gaze.
“To earn his favour. He did say he wanted to have a niece as big as you so it could be possible.”
Though he might have sounded frustrated, he was saying things no one had heard of before. I mumbled my thanks which made Amor frown before I laughed at his distorted facial expressions.
“Wasn’t your best bet to receive his sympathy?”
“Did you sympathise with me, brother?”
“…..”
After two months together like this, I could tell Amor had come to like me a little. But I held my curiosity back.
After a while, I got up from my armchair with my clothes fluttering before walking towards the door whilst Amor remained silent as he continued staring at the floor. I turned around and grabbed the doorknob before saying.
“Right, what do you think? I think these clothes look good on me.”
As if what I had said was ridiculous, he gave me an incredulous look. Soon after, he replied harshly.
“… As a princess, you should be thinking about wearing a dress.”
After being silent once more, he then spit out.
“That bump on your head too.”
He then laughed. It must have been because Granius could not control his strength a few days ago but how should I explain this to him?
I blinked my eyes and stared at his pale and handsome face.
Even though it had been ruined by long-term poison and illness, his sun-bathed face was still very good-looking.
If Amor had been healthy, I was sure he would be a lot gentler than he was now. Maybe that was how he grew up to be by the time Rusbella came. That sounded quite disappointing.
Because I would not be here then.
Even now, just the smell of grass made him look comfortable and gentle so after the female lead worked her magic, the man who had fallen in love would have a sweet smile and a voice that felt like honey. It felt a little disappointing.
“You already know what I’m going to say with your strange ability.”
“Ah, that. I don’t have it anymore.”
I answered naturally as if I was just going out for a drink in the neighbourhood.
“It disappeared after saving you, brother.”
I had mixed in some lies and although I was not completely lying, I was not telling the truth either. Seeing his eyes widen, I smiled.
Two months ago, after surviving, my diary became blank.
***
“Good morning, Ashley.”
I could not explain using just words but when the diary entries that predicted the future disappeared, I felt relieved, recalling the 20 year old me who had been thrown out of her world.
“Oh, brother Dane.”
It felt strange, but it was natural for me to not have any clue what the future held. Three months and a week. I had missed the days where my future, my time and days had been spontaneous rather than calculated.
Early in the morning when even the sun had yet to rise, I fell into thought about things other than classes with Fleon and Dane.
What should I do to survive without the help of my diary? Was it possible to overcome and fight the fear without even being able to see my own feet?
‘At times like these, I wish I had a genie in a lamp who could give me answers for anything I wanted.’
However, the reality was that I was stuck with my two closest brothers. Yawning, I glanced towards Dane. His profile. Dane who had been absorbed in his book did not notice me staring.
Not too long ago, during our last tea time, I felt a subtle distance between us which made me feel more comfortable sitting next to him in class than whilst chatting with him.
‘That’s only because we had a big fight before I went off to the 4th Administration.’
The diary. I had been swayed by something I knew nothing of and kept dying over and over again. But I did not have the confidence that I could explain this to Dane. I mean, would he even believe me? Even I would not believe it if I were to hear that from someone else’s mouth. The only evidence I had disappeared too.
‘And it disappeared cleanly too.’
I fiddled with the empty diary.
After surviving Castor, all the entries disappeared as quickly as they were discovered, making the diary now nothing more than a journal of empty paper. If I had not been through my numerous regressions, I would have thought of the diary as just a regular notebook. So, I even lost proof of my past.
This was difficult.
In life, I could only count on myself for help. I wanted to continue living tomorrow, the day after that all the way till 5 years from now when I can run far far away but a voice in my head was whispering ‘What about Castor’s mission?’
The prophecy that predicted I was going to die soon was gone but that did not mean I was safe from death. There were so many things to take note of and be careful about. It felt as if though my body was mine, it was not moving as it should be. Instead of being relieved of it, fatigue was accumulating inside of me. Just like the Tower of Babylon that was said to have risen up into the sky, I hoped that my stress would pile up before falling apart and disappearing without a trace.
A few days later, in the morning that had the birds chirping, I got on a carriage that was heading towards the Central Palace. The carriage carrying supplies between the Western Palaces and the Central Palace was too shabby to be used by Imperial ladies but was often used by footmen and maids alike. And for the past 4 months, instead of going to work alone, I had been going with an uncomfortable guest.
“You don’t have to come with me.”
I looked at Sir Ray who was accompanying me to work. Sitting opposite me, Ray leaned back as if he did not know me and answered without even opening his eyes.
“This is my job. For such a noble person.”
The only reason why he was not calling me ‘Princess’ as he usually did was to express his dissatisfaction which he was also clearly showing through his gaze.
“If his knight was travelling this far, who would protect the precious Princes?”
“They sent me to serve someone even more precious.”
The way Lord Ray was holding his sword at his waist as he looked at me relaxedly made him seem as if he was about to fall asleep. He looked as if he came to play and at the sight I could only shake my head.
“How stubborn.”
“Says you.”
Sir Ray who showed no signs of being careful around his ‘Princess’ leaned back immediately and closed his eyes again. It had almost been a month since he had been accompanying me but there was a difference between being along with Fleon or Dane and Ray. It felt awkward and uncomfortable but that insincere knight did not give a care in the world about my complaints.
“I heard that you will not be attending classes in the future.”
After I began working at the 4th Administration, my teacher would sometimes look at me with sad and pitiful eyes. He seemed to have heard of the disturbance that had taken place in my palace. He had moved our classes from being in the afternoon to the morning without saying a word and even when I was absent, he would just ignore it. Even today, when I bowed my head because I had to leave class early. He did not say anything like ‘Have a safe trip’.
Like him, the people around me have changed strangely after Castor’s visit.
Sir Ray was the same. After I began working at the Administration Office, Sir Ray offered to accompany me. He even said that he would wait for me in the nearby training grounds till I came out.
‘I mean, I heard he had been kicked out. Could he even still use them?’
Did he not know how the silence between the two of us who had never had a friendly conversation before was making me uncomfortable? Whilst I was in the midst of my thoughts, the carriage stopped.
The Sir hopped off without a foot ladder fiercely as if he was a beast. When I tried to get off next, I realised that there was no ladder that would otherwise be attached.
“Oops, looks like you’re having a little trouble getting off. Would you like some help?”
Sir Ray who had gotten off first popped in with a grin. He looked as if his plan had worked and stretched his arms cheekily over his head.
“My lady, my hands are here.”
In movies, when people started doing things they would normally not do, it would usually be a death flag. Did Sir Ray borrow anything? He was acting as if I was someone else and opening his arms. (1)
Now, I really wanted to hit a heavy gong while screaming at the top of my lungs, come back Sir Ray!
“I don’t like this but alright.”
Once I entered his embrace, I understood how Fleon felt when he said that he wanted to throw something at Ray whenever he saw him.
“Sir, I’m just telling you in advance but I don’t want to hear anything about how bored you were later. If you think you’re going to be bored, go back now.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
He held me in his arms whilst smiling gently before whispering.
“Then stay safe, today.”
T/N:
(1): You know like loan sharks/illegal money lenders, etc.
Also, if anyone understands the timeline after Ashley survived because that’d be great. I’m using the author’s words here but now I’m getting confused whether or not it was 2, 3 or 4 months since she’s been working in the office???? HAHAH
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