Chapter 339
Translator: yun
After being pushed back, Castor looked down at the diary nonchalantly before wiping the blood off this cheek. The diary quickly summoned a white spherical field between us and him before quickly turning her back around.
[You cannot change the past]
“But what I just saw…”
[They’re lies!]
The diary’s breath hitched.
[He fooled you by placing you in that timeline. He made you think. That you could change the past!]
“You mean the timeline where I met the Castor from the past?”
[Correct. Let me repeat myself. You didn’t change the past. If you had tried to kill that Castor, you would have been ejected from that timeline.]
“W-why?”
[Not even god can change the past. For time that has already passed, even the gods can do nothing to change it.]
Even whilst the diary spoke quickly, I could tell she was still empathetic to my feelings. Her expression twisted to one of sorrow.
[It had been very hard for me to convey this truth, especially to you.]
The girl in front of me was clearly the diary, but she was shedding tears as though she was human.
[I didn’t want you to get hurt anymore.]
I had never thought myself to be fortunate for having the diary in my life. I had always considered it a lump of baggage, the symbol of my misery and despair. But the same diary was crying for me with worry.
[It felt as though that was the last thing I could do for you.]
A familiar light burst out from beneath my feet. This was the same light that would appear every time I moved through space and time.
However, unlike before, the light was now of a light purple colour.
“W-Why are you doing this? I-I hate you.”
[I know. You had no choice but to hate me. Especially since, I’ve always been telling you about your deaths, haven’t I?]
She had the same face as mine but her smile looked remarkably different.
[You might not remember this. But back when you were much younger, you treated me like a real person.]
The diary enunciated her words clearly.
[As though you were my actual owner, you never abandoned me.]
Just then, with an ear-splitting sound, the white field spouted a crack. The sword peeking out of that opening soon shattered the rest of the field. But my body had already been surrounded by light.
[Go take a break, strengthen your will before coming back.]
As though she was reading through me, the diary flashed another slight smile.
[Goodbye, my owner.]
I spotted a huge sword piercing through her stomach.
[I hope you’ll get to find your happiness now. Please. I’m sorry for everything.]
After the girl’s figure vanished, in her place, a notebook with a hole in the middle was left.
As Castor reached his hand towards me, everything soon disappeared.
***
Once I could feel the ground, tears erupted from my eyes. Even now, I was being saved once again by someone’s sacrifice and had survived alone.
Why was I always the one being forced to live by myself? The more this happened, the more disgusted I was with myself for failing to kill Castor.
“What’s the point of shedding blood for me? What’s the point!”
My divinity responded to the intensity of my emotions as a vine wrapped around the back of my hand. Before I knew it, I slammed my hand down with the thorny vine wrapped around my hand. It didn’t matter if the thorns dug into my skin even as I slammed my hand down again. I was making a mess but I didn’t care. To me, it didn’t hurt.
“Damn it.”
I no longer cared what space or timeline I landed in as I continued striking my hand against the ground continuously. So, when someone finally stopped me, I realised that I hadn’t been here alone.
“… This was not the point of the power I gifted you.”
When I looked up, tears rolled down my cheeks instantly. I collapsed helplessly in the face of the figure I had longed for.
“A-Amor?”
Right in front of my eyes, he was smiling relaxedly. No, I might be too young to see apparitions but who cared? He was right in front of me now.
“Amor… Amor…! Are you real this time?”
I couldn’t breathe. I was so happy, it felt as though he was choking me. You were right in front of me. You were.
“Re-ally… Is it really you?”
My trembling hands slipped off his clothes because they were shaking too much.
“Have I ever been fake?”
He scoffed as though he found that thought ridiculous as he flicked my forehead before pulling me closer. It was only in his wide and comfortable embrace did I regurgitate the tears I had been suppressing this whole time.
The scent of flowers, trees and the refreshing air of forests. It was all him.
“Since when were you so spoiled? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this.”
“Amor…”
“Or, do you only cry like this when I’m not there?”
His stern yet affectionate voice gently chipped at my ears.
“You look so pretty when you cry. Still, it breaks my heart to see you like this. Who else have you shown yourself like this to?”
I then stopped mid-cry before looking up at him.
“P-Pretty, what–are you!”
His lips sank into mine as though they had been waiting. But when I realised that this felt different from the other kisses I had with before, my eyes shot open.
With our lips still connected, our eyes met. Just then, as I parted my lips, his tongue slipped in.
“Umph, hm, wa–, urgh…”
I hadn’t planned on bringing it up now but, his skill, the way he filled my lips and his talent in responding to my advances… were completely different now. Without realising it, I pushed him off and jumped away.
“A-A-Amor?”
It was only then did I notice.
“W-Why, is this, no, where did you learn this?”
His long hair had been combed to the other side and his arms were comfortably stretched halfway. That wasn’t too different from the way he acted before but he looked more seasoned. With his crimson lips wet, the man in front of me now had a deeper gaze and a more languid disposition.
“Did I move too fast?”
If he were to grow older… Right, this might be what he would look like if he was 30.
“Seeing you after such a long time, I couldn’t hold back anymore.”
Tilting his head, he gave a small smile.
“My Majesty, you’re as lovely as ever.”
He glanced towards my lips before capturing them in his again.
“Rosé.”
“…..”
“Are you shy?”
He was as feisty as ever but I blushed unknowingly at his mature smile. That smile was too overpowered.
“How old are you now?”
“Hm?”
“I asked how old you are. Hurry and answer me.”
Amor smiled before holding the hand that was grabbing the hem of his clothes.
“How old do you think I am?”
As emotions openly dripped from his face, he gradually stuck himself to me.
“You look over 30.”
For a moment, I forgot how shy I was and could merely feel a sense of admiration. No, it felt more like I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. I had become used to his appearance back when he was still taking those medications–back when I didn’t think he would live for long–and now, to think I would see him in his thirties. For this to be the future, it was too good to be true, too fantastical to be real.
“Is this perhaps, a dream I conjured?”
“A dream?”
Amor glanced at me. It had been a gaze I had not expected from him. He smiled as though he knew.
“Well, what do you think?”
In the meantime, I speculated about countless possibilities.
“Or perhaps, this is a timeline that will never occur to me.”
Like that timeline where Dane, Fleon and Lord Ray could be seen laughing without me. And that timeline where Hernan could smile happily.
“… Why do you think so?”
“Because I don’t have any confidence that I can win?”
“What kind of confidence?”
“The confidence to obtain this happiness.”
The diary had told me to come back once I was happy. For me, happiness would only come after I end this ill-fated relationship with Castor.
“It is not like you, My Majesty, to not be confident no matter what hits you.”
His long gentle finger brushed against my chin. His intense gaze that fell upon me was filled to the brim with affection.
“What has made you bend over like so?”
As I leaned into his kindness, I threw up a sob I could no longer swallow.
“Him, I have to kill him, so that I can be happy but… my hand wouldn’t move.”
“Why?”
“If I kill him, you’d be disappointed in me. No, no… it’s because I might not be able to see you again.”
I wanted to be happy but I couldn’t bring myself to have blood stain my hands. It wasn’t possible for me. No. I was just being selfish. I merely did not want to be like the man who killed me. I didn’t want to do anything remotely close to taking a life.
“You’d hate to be with a murderer…”
I murmured as I covered my face with my palm but before I could finish, a determined voice fell upon me.
“That’s a silly concern for you to have.”
“… What?”
“Rosé, how many people do you think I’ve killed?”
He gently unclenched my fist. Puzzled, I stared until I realised that it had been a surprise gift.
“Those who had eaten the poison I made would still be crying from the pain in the underworld.”
He slowly continued, as he admitted to the sins he committed while he was trapped in his palace, acting as the emperor’s hands and feet.
“And…”
His gaze looked cold and determined.
“A man like brother deserves to die. Wouldn’t you just be acting as a human butcher?”
He smiled as feistily and cynically as he did when I first met him.
“You can’t call someone, who’s lower than trash, human and you have no need to feel guilty for killing such a thing.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s lower than trash.”
His fierce expression after his scathing comments made me burst out laughing.
“But I haven’t killed him yet.”
“Wouldn’t that make your concerns even sillier?”
He remarked impatiently.
“And also. You are an emperor who has already led a war.”
“Ah.”
After a pause, I realised what he was trying to tell me.
‘Why hadn’t I realised till now?’
I was the emperor. The lives that had died and passed during the war had not been my responsibility. Because it was one that had been started by two monsters.
“It’s strange.”
I didn’t want to be a man like Castor. And I had always thought I didn’t. Even now, my desire remained the same.
But I had been weighing lives depending on whether their deaths had been intentional or not. Even if I felt nothing from the fact, at the very least, a gravestone had been erected in my heart for those who passed in the war.
In that sense, I already had blood on my hands. Whether I killed Castor or not.
Now that I thought about it, I realised that I had been obsessing over whether or not to kill him.
“Why have you been so fixated on this one thing?”
Suddenly, it felt like my mind had cleared up.
“That’s exactly how brother manipulates people.”
Amor muttered with anger and a tinge of sorrow.
“Don’t lose.”
He held me in his arms. And the hands that were holding onto me felt firm. This instance in his embrace felt like a dream.
“Didn’t you say that you would meet me again?”
I hesitated.
“Didn’t you say you could come find me along with spring?”
I forced my head up to face him.
“… Mhm.”
For some reason, tears were filling my eyes again for a reason different from before.
“I will still love you even if you end up destroying the world.”
Even though he was older now, Amor still loved me.
“So, don’t doubt my love for you over such a trivial thing. I won’t forgive you for that.”
Smiling slightly, Amor tilted his head. I closed my eyes as I waited for him to come closer.
“I’ll be waiting.”
The lips that landed on my forehand, my eyes, my nose and lastly my lips felt like snowflakes. His lips remained on mine for the longest time. Till the point I found myself gasping for breath.
He raised his head for a bit before murmuring lowly, “That wasn’t just the wind, was it?”
He then whispered again, “If I criticise you again in the future, you have to stop me.
“Everything else.”
He pressed his lips to mine again. And I thought back to the words he uttered that fateful day.
“Will be in the future.”
A templar’s kiss was a blessing.
Comments