Chapter 114
Preparing
After they all left, I vacantly gazed at the church.
“…You’ve been told quite sternly just now. It isn’t like you, Milady.”
At Tanya’s words, I smiled.
“I wonder how do you define something that is ‘typical‘ of me…?”
At my inquiry, Tanya’s response was packed with words.
“Milady. Please excuse me for being presumptuous, but ever since Milady came to the royal capital, I think that you’ve changed quite considerably. You are working too hard and it feels like you aren’t afraid to show your own fault… I did not feel like that.”
At Tanya’s words, I blinked my eyes in astonishment.
“Indeed, I may have changed considerably along with the bargaining at the royal capital. …No, it may be precisely since the time Dida asked for my resolution.”
That inquiry managed to smash my sweet thoughts. …Only looking for the things ahead. Chasing after ideals, only moving forward. The sensation of “me” that worked as an employee in a peaceful world became my guideline of conduct.
I did not intend to deny that. However, I felt like I was just inside a dream, somewhere. Before the unreality of reincarnation, there was a feeling that I was only having a dream. I was trying not to look at the estrangement I felt.
However, that inquirely surely smashed it all.
This is certainly the reality. Assuming the position of the feudal lord’s agent that is responsible of the people’s lives in a good way, but simultaneously, that goes for the bad meaning, too.
The moment I understood it, I bid my farewell to the “me” who was living surrounded by beautiful things. In a true sense, “I” bid my farewell to the gentle country called Japan.
I will not show the gap in which I feel like living another person’s life anymore. Things such as condemnation and riots have all been dismissed.
“…It’s okay. If I were to advance in the wrong path, there would be people who are by my side, that will stop me. Yes, that’s what I would like to believe in.”
“Just like Dida?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
Everyone is moving in order to fulfill my words. However, at times when I really make mistakes, they will voice their opinions… yes, I can believe that.
If it’s the present me.
There are Sebas, Dida, Lyle, Rehme, then Sei and Merida… Also, Dean, too.
I feel like only Tanya seems to be affirming everything, somehow. But, that’s fine.
“May I ask one more thing?”
At her question, I silently nodded.
“It may be too late at this point, but why did you gather those people in this church?”
“Ah, that is, you see…”
I let out a small laugh.
“I thought that they deserved it.”
At my answer, Tanya tilted her head.
“This church is the symbol of that time’s riot. Thus, it is no exaggeration to say that it is also the symbol of the future course for Daryl’s faith.”
Actually, Priest Ralph also said that.
Under the idea of the priest that managed it, this church proceeded to make house calls that are free of charge for the poor people. In addition, they also established institutions for orphans. It seems that there has been a gradual increase of people who actively follow their will and people in the territory of the capital who help and act in accordance with their will. And that is exactly the shape of the good old church that Priest Ralph has talked about.
“I don’t think that I will actively oppose the chuch. The profit just doesn’t match together.”
I quickly turned my eyes towards the altar. I feel like it’s been a long time already ever since I went to make a speech in this place.
“…Does God really exist? That, I don’t know. I don’t know, but I believe in God. Although the God that I believe in is certainly not the existence believed in Daryl’s faith.”
“…Milady, that is…”
Due to my extreme remark, for a moment, blood drained from Tanya’s face.
“Did you already forget about the deeds of those who sang praises and declared themselves God’s representatives? …They fabricated a nonexistent fact, and denunciate me, even after I got caught up with the power struggle.”
Those words that I spun while scorning turned out more extreme and prickly than what I was thinking inside my own mind.
“After all… although they claimed themselves as God’s representatives, the ones managing the organization are nothing more than humans, and so, in the end it got mixed up with the ideal and the ulterior motives of humans, causing it to be distorted from its original form, to be deformed. That too, is something inevitable. However, that is precisely why I don’t trust the church… no, I can’t trust them.”
What I ought to do is not only to pray to the God.
Even more so since there are certain fellows who would carry through their own thoughts while using God as their shield.
“I have told you before, right? This is where my resolution materialized. I do not intend to deny everything about Daryl’s faith. Because I understand that religion is an effective way to unite people together. Still, as it was proven this time, the organization called the Daryl’s faith is not a clean organization. They are participating in the kingdom’s power struggle, something which is quite individual. That is why, I can’t believe that they are standing up and taking the nation’s side. If I think that it won’t be beneficial for the nation, then I have to fight it. I won’t flatter the Daryl’s language, nor will I abide their rules, I will oppose them to the bitter end… that is, the conclusion that I came up with. Also, I would like it if they also possess that kind of dignity. Not entrusting everything to the God, not excessively flattering the organization, but to protect the people with their own hands.”
I turned to look at Tanya, and immediately turned to face the altar once again.
“…You know, I don’t feel any remorse from demolishing that old church. I will accept the others’ slander that I destroyed the church and that I was the one who brought about that riot. Yet there is another particular thing that I regret… which is, my incompetency for being unable to predict that the riot would occur.”
“…To predict that kind of thing is a difficult feat to accomplish. Actually, hasn’t it been said by the head of the family, too?”
“Yeah, that may be true.”
I let out a small laugh. At that moment, the side door opened. …The ones who appeared from there were the children who enrolled in the institution that this church established.
“I, it’s big sister Iris!!”
“It’s true-!! Why are you here?”
“Let’s go together to teacher’s place!!”
The lively voice resounded in the church. The children noisily ran and encircled me.
“Very well. However, if I abruptly go there, everyone will be surprised. That’s why, can you go there and tell everyone that I will be coming?”
I squatted down so that my eyes could meet theirs, and told them so.
“…Really, will you come?”
“Of course. It’s a promise.”
When I said that and smiled, the children agreed and they ran once more towards the side door.
“…Because I want to protect their future. That’s why, I have no regret.”
“Milady…”
“Hey, Tanya. Those children are the small you.”
To my words, Tanya tilted her head in confusion.
“Just like you, when you were little. No, perhaps your situation may have been more difficult than theirs. …At that time, I couldn’t help but to pick you up when I noticed you. After all, I want to protect the children who are just like you… that’s what I think, and that’s how I’ve been doing my work. I have no regret at all.”
“…They will surely be happy, right?”
“Oh my, Tanya, are you now unhappy?”
“Of course I am happy. Because I am happy… they too, will be happy. That is what I am thinking. Because at any rate, they are all the small me, right?”
At her words, I spurted out.
I never expected to hear that kind of words from Tanya.
“Well then, I think they are eagerly waiting. Milady, shall we go?”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
And then, together with Tanya, I went towards the door.
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